Author: Jaclyn Lutanco-Chua

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10 Takeaways From #LeadershipDuringCrisis: Tackling Mental Health During COVID-19 Virtual Roundtable

During Mental Health Awareness Month 2021, MindNation held its first ever virtual roundtable for business leaders to learn and discuss how the COVID-19 pandemic has affected mental health and well-being in the workplace. 

“Traditionally, topics like substance abuse, anxiety, and depression used to be considered personal matters and not addressed in the workplace,” explains MindNation Chief Marketing Officer Cat Triviño. “But the lines are now blurred and we can longer deny the effects of mental health concerns on an organization’s bottomline and overall success.

Philippine Vice President Leni Robredo kicked off the event by delivering the Welcoming Remarks, sharing that “Building a better normal means constantly recognizing that no single area of human health is more important than another.”

In addition, data experts and mental health advocates Ajay Bangia of global market research firm Ipsos and MindNation Chief Insights Officer Piril Yagli discussed how creating a culture that values psychological safety affects a company’s growth and success during these trying times. 

Finally, top industry leaders Merlee Jayme, Global President of advertising agency Dentsu Mcgarrybowen, Mark Lyndsell, CEO for the Global English Region of business process outsourcing company Transcom Worldwide, and Kevin Williams, Country General Head of cloud solutions provider RingCentral, offered insights and new ideas on the implementation of mental health programs. 

Here are some of the key points shared by the speakers:

“We must open more spaces to talk about mental health, create avenues where people can share their struggles comfortably without feeling ashamed, and foster an environment of love, care, and support.”

Vice President Leni Robredo
  1. Mental health and well-being issues are a growing problem in the workplace.

When Filipino employees were asked to rate their mental wellness pre- and post-pandemic on a scale of 0 to 10 (where 0 is “depressed” and 10 is “feeling my best self”), they felt an 8 before the pandemic versus a declining 6.5 after the pandemic.
 

According to Ajay Bangia, the depression, stress, and anxiety felt by people are due to job insecurity, work pressure, and difficulty handling work-life balance. 

Additionally, people are feeling a high degree of isolation. “Loneliness is one of the key sources of mental health and well-being challenges during this pandemic,” Piril Yagli of MindNation says. 

  1. No one is exempt from mental health challenges, but some are more affected than others.

In the Philippines, employees who are 18-30 years old, working the night shift, and who indicated their gender as LGBTQ (or would prefer not to say) are the ones most likely to be struggling with COVID-related fears, financial pressures, personal matters, work performance pressures, and juggling work and family life. 

  1. Women with children are also facing greater amounts of stress levels.

Because of the pandemic, working mothers have to juggle being full-time mothers as well as breadwinners. “Their whole day turns into a roller coaster of work, then kids, then house chores, then preparing meals,” Piril shares. 

“Home used to be a place for rest, now it has merged into our work life,” Merlee Jayme of Dentsu Mcgarrybowen adds. “Work has eaten into all of our personal space.”

  1. All these mental health and well-being challenges significantly impact the company– to the tune of PHP7 million per year (for every 1,000 employees). 

This amount is lost due to:

  • Absenteeism. 13% of employees said they would take a sick leave due to mental health and well-being challenges
  • Presenteeism. 35% of employees revealed they are unproductive at work for up to two hours a day — equivalent to losing one day in a week or up to two months in a year. 
  • Talent loss. 5% of employees in a company stated that they would quit their jobs due to mental health and well-being challenges. 
  1. Unfortunately, not everyone is open about their struggles.

Only 10% of employees would tell their superiors that they are taking a sick leave due to mental health challenges. This is because there is still a stigma surrounding mental health especially in the workplace. Employees fear that talking about depression, anxiety, or other mental health concerns will negatively affect how managers view them and their job performance.

  1. Three things that companies can do to address the mental health crisis in the workplace:
  • Create a Mental Health company policy. While the Philippines’ Department of Labor and Employment requires workplaces in the formal sector to implement Mental Health Workplace Policies and Programs, many companies still have not created such.
  • Stop the stigma by talking about mental health openly. “Leverage mid-level managers to talk with their teams, understand their challenges, and make them aware what help is available,” Piril suggests.
  • Lastly, partner with a mental health and well-being provider who cares. While many corporations do have Employee Assistance Programs, research has shown that the usage rate of these support systems are lower than 10% because most of them are not accessible 24/7 all year round. “It is important to partner with a mental healthcare provider that has psychologists and WellBeing Coaches who are available all day, everyday, so that employees can get help the moment they need it, rather than waiting until it is too late,” she adds.
  1. To create a workplace culture that values and supports mental health and well-being, managers need to be more empathetic and employee-centric. 
  • “Show empathy. Let your colleagues know you feel the same way they do, that you can talk about real things, not just revenues and client budgets,” Merlee suggests. 
  • “Mental health needs to be overcommunicated,” Kevin Williams of RingCentral shares. “When people come to you, ask the easy yet hard question, ‘How are you doing?’ ‘Are you happy?’”
  • “What we need today are leaders and organizations with a high degree of Emotional Intelligence,” Mark Lyndsell of Transcom Worldwide adds. “As a leader I’m willing to sacrifice IQ provided I have leaders who are grounded, transparent, authentic, and flexible.”
  1. Listen and understand the needs of the organization. 

“47% of employees think they have too much work,” Piril shares. “So please make it a priority to talk to your teams, try to understand what they’re working on, is there anything that can be simplified, automated, or outsourced?”

  • “In our office, we have Wellness Wednesdays,” Merlee says. “These are no-meeting days that employees can use to catch up on work or just zone out.”
  • “At RingCentral, we have a quarterly company CaRING Day — adding a paid holiday and an extended weekend to every quarter to encourage our teams to disconnect from work and recharge,” Kevin adds
  • Employees of Transcom are encouraged to communicate openly with their leaders. “Every single day we poll our employees on how they are feeling; and if they are feeling down, to tell us why,” says Mark.
  1. It takes action and collaboration from all sectors to create happier and healthier spaces for all. 

“We must treat mental health as an important aspect of our healthcare agenda,” says Vice President Leni Robredo. “We must open more spaces to talk about mental health, create avenues where people can share their struggles comfortably without feeling ashamed, and foster an environment of love, care, and support.”

  1. There is no health without mental health. 

“The last 15 months of the pandemic has shone a spotlight on the mental health of organizations and many have been found wanting,” Mark adds. “I believe that there is so much more we can and should be doing, and as a leader it starts with me.”

According to Piril, the top 5 things that employees want to overcome their mental health and well-being challenges are psychologist services, WellBeing Coach consultations, training on mental health and well-being, fitness coaches, and sick leaves for mental health concerns. “For a mental health and well-being program in the workplace to be effective, the provider needs to listen to the voices of the employees, understand their challenges, and provide solutions specific to their needs,” she says. 

MindNation uses a data-based approach to create proactive, customized, holistic health programs for your employees. Partner with us to build happier, healthier, and more productive teams. Email [email protected] now!

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Featured

7 Important Things Every Dad Should Teach His Kids

Photo courtesy of TJ Manotoc's Twitter account.

Fathers, like mothers, are pillars in the development of a child’s emotional well-being. Studies have shown that when fathers are involved, affectionate, and supportive, it positively impacts a child’s overall sense of well-being and self confidence. 

We asked Filipino journalist and father-of-three TJ Manotoc to share some things that  he wants his children — and every child — to grow up knowing so that they become healthy and happy individuals:

“My kids always ask me what my definition of success is, and I tell them it’s not how much money I earn or what kind of car I’m able to buy — it’s to raise them to become happy and healthy human beings.”

TJ Manotoc, Journalist and father of three
  1. For his sons, to always respect women. “There’s so much misogyny and disrespect for women nowadays that I want my sons to know that such behavior is not cool or funny and can really be hurtful,” he shares. “I always tell them that before they say or do anything to another girl or woman, they should first think about their own sister and mother, and how they would feel if they were the recipient of such disrespectful words or actions.”
  2. To know how to cook, clean, and do the laundry. “If you enter the adult world knowing how to do household chores, you will have a much easier time being loved,” TJ laughs. “And if you really can’t do chores or have the time — at least be neat and clean when you are living with someone else!”
  3. For his daughter, to be brave. “I believe it’s especially important to encourage girls to speak up for what they believe in, to use their platform for good and not just for aesthetics,” he says.
  4. And to learn self-defense! “The world is a scary place, and she should be able to protect herself and not wait for a man to come to her rescue,” he points out.
  5. For all his children, regardless of gender — that it’s okay to feel your emotions. “This is a bigger issue for sons because their feelings are stifled a lot. We should do away with toxic statements like ‘Be a big boy’ or ‘Be a man’ and allow our little boys to be human beings,” he opines. “If something bothers them, hurts them, or physically pains them, they should know that it’s okay to cry.
  6. Financial literacy. This includes how to take care of money, how to budget, what to buy and when to buy them, or how to invest. “I wish these were things my parents taught me back then and I hope that more parents teach it now, because finances are really something that a lot of people struggle with when they get into adulthood,” he says.
  7. To go ahead and dream. “Don’t stifle your child’s dreams by saying ‘No, you have to be a doctor,’ or ‘No, you have to do this, not that,’”
    TJ expresses. “Doing this puts a boundary on their dreams and tells them that they cannot be who they were destined to be. So allow them to spread their wings and expose them to as many things as possible so that they can discover their meaning in the universe.”

He adds: “My kids always ask me what my definition of success is, and I tell them it’s not how much money I earn or what kind of car I’m able to buy — it’s to raise them to become happy and healthy human beings.”

For TJ, the best way fathers can cultivate healthy and loving relationships with their children is to create opportunities where they can bond and spend time together in a very natural and relaxed manner. “One thing I struggle with is when I see families sitting down at the dinner table and the kids are “supposed” to bond with the parents, they are “expected” to share what went on during their way even if they are tired or in a bad mood. Instead of forcing the kids, parents need to find ways to pique their child’s interest and open them up to conversation,” he suggests. “Everyone has different moods — when they feel chatty or when they just want to be alone — so my advice to parents is to give their kids the space and time they need to be themselves. Trust and respect are essential to a positive parent-child relationship.”

Want to build a healthier relationship with your child? Our WellBeing Coaches are available 24/7 for teletherapy sessions to help you improve your communications skills and become a more empathetic parent. Book a session now through FB Messenger http://mn-chat or email [email protected]. 

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Featured Men's Mental Health

6 Strategies To Get Men To See A Doctor

A 2019 study from leading medical and research center Cleveland Clinic found that 72% of men would rather do housework (such as cleaning the bathroom) than go to the doctor. 

Additionally, only half (50%) of men surveyed said that they consider getting their annual check-up a regular part of taking care of themselves.

So what makes men so hesitant to walk into a doctor’s office? According to the same Cleveland Clinic survey, the top reasons include:

  • They were embarrassed (46%).
  • They didn’t want to hear that they needed to change their diet/lifestyle (36%).
  • They knew something was wrong but weren’t ready to face the diagnosis and/or would rather not know if they have any health issues (37%).
  • They were told as children that men don’t complain about health issues (41%).

“More often than not, men don’t like seeing a doctor because they have a ‘macho ego complex’ and do not want to be perceived as sick or weak.”

Dr. Rainier Lutanco, a general, head and neck, cancer, and minimally invasive surgeon

“More often than not, men don’t like seeing a doctor because they have a ‘macho ego complex’ and do not want to be perceived as sick or weak,” says Dr. Rainier Lutanco, a general, head and neck, cancer, and minimally invasive surgeon based in Manila. “On the other hand, others view health care as a waste of time and money.”

If a man is unwilling to go to the doctor, it puts him at risk for missing preventive screenings — check-ups, immunizations, teletherapy, and other tests — which can help prevent physical or mental problems or detect them before they become major. This is especially important now as the Cleveland Clinic survey also showed that 77% percent of men reported an increase in stress levels as a result of COVID-19, 59% have felt isolated during the pandemic, and nearly half (45%) say their emotional/mental health has worsened during the pandemic.


How to motivate men to get medical attention

If you know someone that needs some convincing to put his health first, here are six approaches you can try:

  1. Don’t nag. Nagging is defined as the interaction in which one person repeatedly makes a request, and the other person repeatedly ignores it, and both become increasingly annoyed. Constant nagging can make the other party feel resentful, personally attacked, and inadequate.
  2. Don’t guilt-trip. Guilt-tripping is making someone feel guilty in order to induce them to do something. An example would be telling your husband or father “Who will take care of us if you get sick?” But this statement will only further shame the man and perpetuate the culture of toxic masculinity that says men should be the ones taking care of the family.
  3. Instead, come from a place of caring. Instead of positioning the doctor’s visit as another thing that he is expected to do, tell him that you want him to get checked because you truly care about his health and you want him to be around for a long time because you love him (and not because of other expectations).
  4. Gather as many examples as you can. This tactic works best if you know of a friend or relative who caught a serious medical condition early, i.e. someone found a lump that turned out to be cancer but he is now, thankfully, okay. Stories like these might motivate a man to get his health checked as well.
  5. Use a common-sense approach. Let him know that putting off a doctor’s visit until he is in pain or at an advanced stage of a disease may make treating his condition more difficult or costly.
  6. Make it easy. This approach works well for someone who always claims he’s too busy. Be the one to set the appointment (make sure it’s at a time that’s convenient for him) and offer to go with him. For teletherapy sessions, assure him that all conversations will be kept secure and confidential and that even you will not be privy to what was discussed. 

It is common for men to avoid going to the doctor, but patience, understanding, and talking about it rationally will increase his chances of getting himself the check-up that he needs.  MindNation’s psychologists and WellBeing Coaches are available 24/7 for teletherapy sessions if you know someone who needs to talk to a mental health expert. Book a session now through FB Messenger http://mn-chat or email [email protected].

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Featured

LGBTQ+ Facts vs. Myths

Even though there is now increased awareness about sexual orientation, gender identity, expression, and sex characteristics (SOGIESC), many myths and misconceptions, about lesbians, gays, bisexuals, transgenders, and queers (LGBTQ+) still abound. This misinformation cause members of the LGBTQ+ community to face stigmatization, discrimination, and harassment, leading them to experience mental health concerns like depression and anxiety at higher rates than their heterosexual and cisgender counterparts. 

We asked Amber Gonzales Quiban, Director for Policy and Campaigns of the Philippine Anti-Discrimination Alliance of Youth Leaders (PANTAY) to provide the straight facts to the 8 most common myths and misconceptions applied to our LGBTQ brothers and sisters.

“Conversion therapies cause more harm than good because the trauma that the person experiences can lead to the development of mental illnesses like anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorders.”

Amber Gonzales Quiban, Director for Policy and Campaigns of the Philippine Anti-Discrimination Alliance of Youth Leaders (PANTAY)

Myth #1: LGBTQ+ people are just going through a phase/experimenting/confused.

Fact: This misconception is especially prescribed to adolescents, as they are labeled as “misguided” and “confused” for feeling and/or experiencing a sexual attraction to someone of the same sex, both sexes, or for identifying with a gender different than the one assigned to them at birth.  But decades of research have shown that being an LGBTQ+ individual is an identity; it is a part of who they are and not a choice, lifestyle, or phase that someone grows out of. 

“If it were a phase or we were just experimenting, then it would have been an easier choice to just choose to be straight and not have to face the stigma and discrimination that comes with being a member of the LGBTQ+ community,” Amber explains. “But being gay, bixesual, or transgender is who we are, it is our reality.”

Myth #2: LGBTQ+ people are mentally ill; if they receive therapy, they will be cured.

Fact: Although homosexuality and transgenderism were once thought to be mental illnesses or diseases, both the World Health Organization and the American Psychiatric and Psychological Associations have declassified them as such. The WHO even went on to emphasize that homosexuality is a natural and non-pathological variation of human sexuality.

Furthermore, studies have proven that psychiatric attempts to “cure” lesbians and gay men are not only unethical and inhumane, they have failed to change the sexual orientation of the patient. “Conversion therapies cause more harm than good because the trauma that the person experiences can lead to the development of mental illnesses like anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorders,” Amber points out.  

Myth #3: They became LGBTQ+ because they were brought up the wrong way.

Fact: There are no studies that show that children from dysfunctional families are more likely to grow up to gay, bisexual, or transgender any more than children who were raised in loving homes. 

Additionally, many scientists and researchers have studied a variety of reasons that may contribute to a specific sexual orientation or gender identity, including genetics and environmental influences. To this day, there is no consensus that sexual orientation or transgenderism is determined by any single factor or even a combination of factors.

“No one is raised to become gay,” Amber reiterates. This is why when LGBTQ+ members are asked  “When did you choose to be gay/lesbian/bi/trans?” most of them would say that there was no sense of choice regarding their sexual orientation and gender identity; that is just the way they feel. “It’s like asking a heterosexual person ‘When did you choose to be straight?’ There’s no answer to that,” she adds.

Myth #4: I should not expose myself or my loved ones to LGBTQ+ peers/relatives or watch shows with LGBTQ+ themes to prevent them from becoming gay, bisexual, or transgender. 

Fact: Learning about or spending time with people who are LGBTQ+ does not influence the sexual orientation or gender identity of a person or harm the well-being of minors. What it can do is help build empathy and respect towards others, potentially reducing homophobia, biphobia, and transphobia for years to come. 

Myth #5: There is no such thing as trangenders. Transwomen are gays, and transmen are lesbians. 

Fact: Transgender is an umbrella term for persons whose gender identity, gender expression, or behavior does not conform to that typically associated with the sex to which they were assigned at birth. Transpersons have been documented in many indigenous, Western, and Eastern cultures and societies from antiquity until the present day.

“Gender is a social construct, it varies from society to society and can change over time. This means you can break it,” Amber stresses. “And we should not stop people from breaking gender norms because at the end of the day, these gender roles are just imposed upon us.” 

Myth #6: Letting transgenders use the bathroom matching their gender identity is dangerous.

Fact: One of the main arguments against trans-inclusive bathrooms is the perception that sexual predators can gain access to female-only bathrooms. “If people are worried about men who would disguise themselves as transwomen to enter female bathrooms to sexually harass women, then transwomen are not the problem,” Amber stresses. 

Amber also stresses that having a bathroom exclusively for transgenders is counterproductive. “Creating a separate bathroom is just a form of exclusion,” she explains. “We should not be made to feel bad using the restrooms of the gender that we identify with. Creating gender-neutral restrooms would be more inclusive and affirmative.”

Myth #7: Letting my son play with dolls or my daughter play with cars will affect their gender identity.

Fact: Research has shown that behaviors such as playing with feminine toys or wearing feminine-colored clothes do not cause a boy to become gay or transgender, just as those same activities do not cause a girl to become heterosexual or cisgender. 

Myth #8: If someone comes out to me, it means they are attracted to me. 

Fact: “We don’t come out to people because we are attracted to them; we do because we trust them and they are a safe space for us,” Amber emphasizes. “Coming out entails so much fear and burden so when someone comes out to you, be thankful and proud of yourself because someone believes in you and they are willing to risk their lives just to come out to you.”

As an ally and a friend, it’s important that you take a stand for LGBTQ+ rights and join in the fight for equality. By educating yourself about what it means to be LGBTQ+, normalizing conversations related to LGBTQ+ matters with loved ones, and calling out myths and microaggressions, you can play an active role in helping build a kinder and more inclusive community. 

To our LGBTQ+ brothers and sisters and allies in the Philippines, you are not alone. MindNation’s psychologists and WellBeing Coaches are available 24/7 for teletherapy sessions if you need someone to talk to. Book a session now through FB Messenger http://mn-chat or email [email protected]. 

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Featured

8 Things To Do When Someone Comes Out To You

Coming out is defined as the process by which someone accepts and identifies their gender identity and/or sexual orientation, and shares their identity willingly with others. It is sometimes one of the hardest things a member of the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or queer (LGBTQ+) community can do.

“While coming out is a big thing for the LGBTQ+ member because it means they are finally speaking their truth, it is also scary and difficult because of the stigma that is associated with being homosexual, bisexual, or transgender,” says Anton Paderanga, MindNation Marketing Officer and a gender equality advocate. “So when someone comes out to you, it means they trust you and consider you a safe space where they can be free to be themselves.”

“Choosing to come out to you means that they have a great deal of respect and trust for you.”

Anton Paderanga, MindNation Marketing Officer

If you are on the receiving end of a coming out confession, it’s important to make the other person feel seen, heard, and respected. Below are some things you can do:

  1. Thank your friend for having the courage to tell you. Choosing to come out to you means that they have a great deal of respect and trust for you. Anton says that the best immediate reply to give is “Thank you for telling me.” “Saying this also honors the bravery of your loved one and reassures them that nothing will change in your relationship,” he adds.

Do not say things like “Are you sure?” “I knew it!” or “Duh, it’s so obvious” because even if your intention is to lighten the atmosphere, it invalidates the gravity of the coming out process and inadvertently offends the one coming out. 

2. Respect your friend’s confidentiality. A person’s sexual orientation and gender identity should never be the subject of gossip, so don’t go around telling other people in your circle that so-and-so is gay, bisexual, or transgender even if your intentions are good. Every person’s coming out process always involves private and personal information that deserves to be treated with respect. 

Now, if someone else asks you point blank, “Is your friend X gay/transgender?” Anton advises that you respond with a non-committal response like “Why do you want to know?” or “Is it an issue?” This gently lets the other person know that it is inappropriate to engage in idle talk about a person’s sexual orientation or gender identity. You can also reply with “Sorry, it’s not my place to say.”

  1. Be the friend you have always been. “Immediately assure them that nothing will change,” suggests Anton. The main fear for people coming out is that their friends and family will reject them, so tell your friend that you still care about them, no matter what. Then continue to do what you have always done together, whether it’s playing sports or catching up online on weekends.
  2. Feel free to ask questions that you may have.
    Anton says that some good follow-up questions include:
  • “Who else knows?” (because they may need you to keep their sexual orientation or gender identity a secret)
  • “What can I do to help?” (because they may need it down the road)
  • “What pronouns do you want me to use?” (important if your loved one is coming out as transgender)
  1. But refrain from asking about the following:

— Anything about their sex life (just as you would not ask a straight person)
— If you can set them up with another LGBTQ+ person that you know (because for all you know they are already in a committed relationship with someone else) 

— Your gay friend if he can help you with shopping, make-up, fashion, etc. (because this is propagating the stereotype that all gay men express themselves in a feminine manner, when in truth they can also be masculine)

  1. Offer and be available to support your friend as they come out to others. “Your role is to be a stage parent — to give them support and confidence they need when their anxiety makes them forget what to say,” Anton points out. However, this does not mean that you should pressure your friend to come out to other people when they are not ready.
  2. If possible, connect your friend with the LGBTQ+ community. If you know of other LGBTQ+ individuals or organizations, tell your loved one about it without giving specific names (because, again, it is not your place to out other people). “You can just say ‘Oh, I have a friend who has gone through the same experience as you if you want to talk to them about it’ or ‘I know of this group if you want to hang out with other LGBTQ+ members,’” Anton advises. Then seek the permission of the other person or organization before introducing your friend to them. 
  1. Learn about the LGBTQ+ community. Doing this will allow you to better support your friend, and knowing about their world will help prevent you from drifting apart. “When a loved one comes out to you, you automatically become an ally — a heterosexual and cisgender person who supports gender equality,” says Anton. “This means you take on the responsibility to help educate other people and amplify the voices of the LGBGTQ+ community.”

By being a supportive friend to someone who comes out to you, you help establish more safe spaces for those in the LGBTQ+ community and help them take one step closer to attaining the rights that they deserve.

If you need someone to talk to, MindNation psychologists and WellBeing Coaches are available 24/7 for teletherapy sessions. Book a session now through http://mn-chat or email [email protected]. 

Categories
Mental Health 101

Breaking 7 Myths About Meditation

Meditation has been proven to more than just reduce stress and help us achieve inner peace. Studies have shown that a regular meditation practice can also lengthen our attention span, reduce age-related memory loss, improve sleep, and help control pain. Additionally, meditation can be done for free, anytime and anywhere, without need for special equipment, and with zero side effects. 

While the number of people turning to meditation has increased through the years (a rough estimation of people who meditate globally ranges between 200 and 500 million), there are still many who hesitate to take up the practice because of the misconceptions that make them feel they cannot do it. We asked Dinah Salonga, co-founder and Chairman of Yogaplus (www.yogaplus.ph), one of Manila’s premier yoga studios, to debunk some common myths and explain what meditation is really about:

“Meditation is the practice of paying attention to whatever arises in the present moment, not communicating with a deity. There are no rules or dogmas to follow in meditation.”

Dinah Salonga, co-founder and Chairman of Yogaplus
  1. Meditation requires staying still for a long period of time.

Dinah: Just like dance or yoga, there are many different styles of meditation and many ways to practice it.

A. There is a dedicated practice, where you intentionally set a time to meditate in stillness for a few minutes. It’s like going to the gym; while you’re there, you focus on doing your exercises.

B. For those who have difficulty sitting still, there is the integrated practice, where you can meditate while doing an activity like walking, eating, hiking, or drinking coffee. Yoga is another example of a moving meditation practice.

  1. You need to be able to sit in an uncomfortable lotus position (a cross-legged sitting pose in which each foot is placed on the opposite thigh).

Dinah: Not at all. You can sit in a normal cross-legged position, or even sit down on your heels in a kneeling position. If being on the floor is not comfortable, you can meditate while sitting on a chair with your feet flat on the floor, or even standing up. You may even lie down — just make sure you don’t fall asleep. 

The important thing is to be in a position where you are comfortable and your spine is in neutral alignment — this means the spine is straight but not rigid, making it easier for you to breathe. 

  1. Meditation is a religious practice so I don’t want to do it because I’m a devout Catholic/Christian/Muslim/etc.

Dinah: Although many religions talk about meditation and its importance, the practice is more spiritual than religious. Meditation is the practice of paying attention to whatever arises in the present moment, not communicating with a deity. There are no rules or dogmas to follow in meditation; if there is chanting in a session, it is only done as a means of helping the mind concentrate, and is completely optional.   

  1. The goal of meditation is to empty the mind and feel calm and peaceful.

Dinah: Just as there are different styles of meditations, there are also different goals. You can meditate to relax, to empty the mind, or to learn to pay attention. The last one is called mindfulness meditation, where distractions are a part of the practice and you will be taught how to respond when you are distracted.

  1. One session of meditation can solve my problems (i.e.  depression, anxiety, etc) right away.

Dinah: Definitely not. Meditation is a practice and something you need to do regularly to experience the benefits. In some instances, it may not even be the right solution for your current situation. If you have a mental health problem, for example, it will be best to consult a professional and get their advice on whether meditation can help you.

  1. You need to practice meditation for YEARS to reap the benefits.

Dinah: Even just short segments of practice (i.e. one minute a few times a day) can already make a difference in making our minds more calm. Sure, it might take some time to feel that meditation has completely transformed you, the way you live, and your overall happiness; just like any other skill, the more you practice, the longer the effects will last. Take it step by step and enjoy the process of getting to know your mind. 

  1. Meditation is hard, it’s only for women/monks/elderly/etc. 

Dinah: Meditation is simple but is not easy. Think of it as driving or riding a bike — these are skills that can be done by anyone. We can all learn and become good at it if we practice. With a few exceptions (like some mental health issues), almost everyone can do it. 

MindNation Wellness Coaches are available 24/7 to help you build better physical and mental health habits. Book a teletherapy session with them through FB Messenger http://mn-chat or email [email protected].

Categories
Fitness

9 Common Exercise Excuses That You Need To Stop Making

We all know that exercise is good for us, but if the weather is too hot or you just ended a day of back-to-back Zoom meetings, coupled with homeschooling, it’s easier to just put off working out in favor of plopping down in front of the TV. 

How can we help ourselves get moving? We asked Juancho Triviño, fitness advocate and founder of Fit Crew PH, an online personal training service, to bust the most common exercise excuses and his solutions for them.

“If you can spare 15 to 20 minutes scrolling through social media, then you have time to exercise.”

Juancho Triviño, fitness advocate and founder of Fit Crew PH

1. “I’m too tired, I just want to relax.”
First of all, if you are tired because you are sick, then do take time to rest and recover.

But if you are tired because of poor sleep, work fatigue, or mental health conditions, exercise can make you feel better. Start off with light exercises that are easy on the body but are just as effective, such as yoga and walking.  

Finally, if you are tired because you have a stressful job or are swamped with chores at home, change your routine. Instead of scheduling your workout at the end of the day when your energy is at its lowest, wake up earlier than usual to exercise, or do it on your lunch break. 

2. “I don’t have the time.”

“If you can spare 15 to 20 minutes scrolling through social media, then you have time to exercise,” says Juancho. “Just waking up extra early in the morning to squeeze in 15 to 20 minutes of light exercises or stretching can already prep your body and mind for all the rigorous things you need to do for the day.” 

3. “It costs too much.” 

While hiring a personal trainer is recommended for proper guidance, it is not mandatory. “You can follow free workout videos that are available online, or even ask for help from family or friends who are active,” Juancho advises. No equipment? Creativity goes a long way.

“Use water bottles or canned goods as weights; sturdy chairs can be used if you need elevation. Lastly, bodyweight exercises like push-ups, sit-ups, and squats can also be very effective for building strength.”


4. “I don’t like to exercise alone.”

There are benefits to exercising by yourself — you can go at your own pace and focus on doing the exercises correctly and efficiently. That said, there are also benefits to exercising with a group , including positive peer pressure and increased motivation. 

If you prefer to workout with others but the gyms in your area are still closed, there are many platforms online with live classes that you and your friends can join, such as Fit Crew PH. But if you’re struggling to put a group together, you can still work out by yourself without feeling like you are alone. “Personally, I like listening to music or podcasts while working out,” suggests Juancho. “It makes me feel like I am talking to someone.”

5. “It’s boring!”

There are so many different kinds of exercises out there — from swimming to spinning — that the key is to find something, anything, that gets your body in motion and puts a smile on your face. So if you find yourself bored or plateaued with a particular workout, switch it up. If yoga no longer interests you, try rowing; if you find boxing “Bleh,” try biking. “I’d much rather go three hours on a bike than 30 minutes on a treadmill,” admits Juancho. “Once you find something you enjoy doing, it won’t feel like an exercise.”

6. “I’m too old/too fat/not strong enough/etc. — the trainer will just laugh at me.”

“That will absolutely never happen,” Juancho stresses. “Coaches and trainers are professionals who work with a variety of fitness levels and will never judge someone based on their physical stature. In fact, we even feel happy if we see people trying to be the best version of themselves.” 

That said, this does not mean that you should plunge into whatever workout tickles your fancy. “Whether you are young or old, fit or unfit, always get clearance from your doctor before first starting a new exercise regimen,” advises Juancho.

7. “I tried exercising before and it didn’t work.”

There are many reasons why you’re not seeing results from working out. 

  • Maybe you weren’t consistent with exercising? It’s important to keep a routine and stick to it.
  • Maybe you were expecting too much, too soon? It may take anywhere from four to eight weeks of consistent workouts before you see a noticeable change.
  • Finally, maybe you relied purely on exercising? “Fitness also depends on what you eat and how you sleep,” Juancho points out. 

So analyze why the exercise didn’t work, and ask yourself what would have improved the chances of a positive outcome? Now make a plan with this newfound knowledge and start again.


8. “I’ll start tomorrow/next week/etc.”
If you are battling low motivation, you just have to do it. Start small so you don’t get daunted or discouraged. Instead of saying you will do 10 push-ups every morning, start with just two, then gradually increase the reps. Instead of aiming to exercise for an hour, try 40 minutes first, which when you think about it, is about the length of time of an episode of your favorite sitcom so it’s not that long. 

9. “I don’t need to exercise, I’m still young.”

“You’ll age quicker if you don’t take care of yourself,” Juancho warns. “Health is wealth, so as early as now, you have to invest in yourself, in the things that you want, and how you spend your time. Getting your body engaged and feeling aware of your physical state is a good start to a long and healthy life.”

When it comes to exercising, the gains outweigh the pains and excuses. A regular exercise routine will give you improved physical and mental health and can set your mood for the day. Best of all, it’s never too late to start. “There are many things that you will never regret doing, and exercise is one of them,” says Juancho.

For those in the Philippines, MindNation WellBeing Coaches are available 24/7 to help you build better physical and mental health habits. Book a slot now through FB Messenger http://mn-chat or email [email protected].

For more information about Fit Crew PH, message them on Instagram @fitcrew_ph.

Categories
How To

6 Tips For Handling Toxic Family Members

While arguments and disagreements between family members are normal, it’s important to distinguish between normal fights and toxic behavior.

“A relationship is toxic when it is not harmonious, when negative moments outweigh the positive ones,” explains Aiza Tabayoyong, a family and relationship expert from the Love Institute, a pioneering company equipping couples, parents, and individuals with skills on how to have fulfilling relationships with those dearest to them. 

The fights do not even have to be direct or explosive confrontations to be considered toxic. “The hurting can come in many forms,” points out Aiza. “It can be verbal abuse in the form of sarcasm, some subtle teasing, or giving the other person the silent treatment. 

It can even be passive-aggressive behaviors — like leaving the soap dish full of water knowing you’re the next one to use the soap, or finishing up all the food when they know it’s your favorite. At first glance, these behaviors are simply annoying.  But if  they occur constantly and the person does not change their ways even if you ask them to, they become hurtful and disrespectful, which leads to repressed anger, and becoming toxic.”   

Toxic relationships are bad not only for the relationship but also for the mental, emotional, and physical health of the people involved. “In a toxic relationship, your body and brain are constantly in a fight or flight mode because of so much stress,” explains Aiza. 

“In the long-term, this negative energy will literally become toxic in your system, and can also lead to different mental health challenges like depression or anger management issues,” she adds. 

“The fights do not even have to be direct or explosive confrontations to be considered toxic. The hurting can come in many forms. It can be verbal abuse in the form of sarcasm, some subtle teasing, or giving the other person the silent treatment.” 

 Aiza Tabayoyong, family and relationship expert from the Love Institute

How to move forward

Repairing a toxic relationship takes time, patience, and diligence. This is because most toxic relationships often occur as a result of longstanding and unresolved issues in the current relationship, or as a result of unaddressed issues from prior relationships. 

If you truly want the situation with your family member to change for the better, there are some things you can do to turn things around:
 

  1. Stay away from the source of the toxicity as much as you can. This can be hard to do these days when you are isolated at home with the other person and cannot literally go away, so it would help if you have a room of your own where you can take a breath. If not, Aiza recommends putting up some form of psycho-emotional shield, such as meditating, listening to music, praying, and also reminding yourself that you are distinct and different from the other person. 

“It’s important to cut the emotional connections especially if the other person knows your buttons,” she advises. “Instead of thinking ‘ There’s something going on with my loved one and it’s affecting me,’ shift the mindset to ‘There’s something going on with my loved one, I need to move away from striking distance so I will not be affected.’”

  1. Regroup and recollect. Once you’ve had your space and are in a better place, know your options. According to Aiza, there are three:

Option A: Are you going to accept the person’s behavior and just choose to live with it? The downside is you will need to set very firm boundaries to cope with the toxic behaviors, and the boundaries may become so rigid that you will be permanently disconnected from the other person.

Option B: Will you give hints and hope that the other person will get that you are affected by his or her particular behavior? In this case, be prepared for the possibility that they will never get it.

Option C: Ask for a dialogue with the other person. “Approach the other person with a sense of compassion, because he or she might be going through something that you are not aware of,” instructs Aiza. “Then use ‘I’ statements to convey how you feel, such as ‘I feel __ when you do __.’ This way, you are letting them know the effect of their behavior — not their personality or their character — on you. They won’t feel attacked, and the chances of them being defensive or angry will be minimized.” 

On the other hand, lashing out with “You’re so inconsiderate!” or “You always/never think of others,” is exhibiting judgement and will make the other person want to prove you wrong. He or she will lash back with, “That’s not true, I am very considerate, do you know how much I do for this family, etc. etc.”

  1. Talk to a professional. “Talking to a psychologist can provide you with a sounding board to process your feelings or help you view things from another perspective,” says Aiza.  
Photo by Liza Summer on Pexels.com

Dealing with toxic family members who are older than you

It’s easier to have difficult conversations with peers — like siblings or your partner —  than with older members of the family like parents or the parents in-law.  What should be done if they are the ones exhibiting toxic behavior? 

  1. At the very least, try to make the relationship civil. If the relationship has been sour for so long already, you cannot expect the other person to be as empathetic or compassionate to your pleas. “Bring the relationship first to neutral ground by knowing the other person’s love language, something that will build favor and allow you to reconnect,” shares Aiza.
  2. Present your case in a way that it’s beneficial for both parties. “Start by saying ‘I know it has been difficult for both of us; I’m sorry if I knowingly or unknowingly offended you or hurt you. I want to improve things around the house or our relationship, may I talk about it when you are available?’” suggests Aiza. “If they are ready, they will say yes. If they are not ready and say no, at least you tried.”
  3. In the case of in-laws, ask for help from your partner/their child. “Ask your partner to mediate and make things better, or bring you up in a better light,” she says.

How to reduce being toxic towards others

Because we are human, it’s highly possible that we are treating family members unpleasantly without even realizing it. How can we become less toxic people ourselves?

  1. Get feedback. “Ask trusted people whom you know will not hurt you for feedback. For parents, if you have a good enough sense of your self-worth, ask your kids ‘How is mommy doing? Is there anything you would like me to do so I can be a better mom?’” suggests Aiza. 
  1. If there is no one to ask, just be observant of yourself. “What is your own level of stress that you may be bringing into your relationships. How happy are you with your life? How contented are you?” Aiza asks. 

If you prefer a  scientific approach, MindNation has an online WellBeing Quiz that you can take for free to check on your mental status and happiness level. If you score Healthy or Thriving, then you are in good shape and no one is affected by you; but if you are Fading or Burned Out and you realize that there are people you rub the wrong way or people who trigger you, you might want to step back and see where that’s coming from. 

“Is it because you’re tired? Or maybe you have some unresolved issues that need to be resolved?” asks Aiza. “Whatever it is, you might want to work on those now, because a lot of our past issues manifest either in relationships or at work.”

  1. Make time for self-care. “This is very, very important, especially if there are other people counting on you,” Aiza stresses. “Self-care is whatever it looks like for you, whether it’s doing breathwork, meditating, walking under the sun (just make sure to stay safe), bingeing a little bit of tv, or talking to your friends and finding a reason to really belly laugh.” 

For Aiza, the COVID-19 pandemic is a unique opportunity for the family to work on their issues and become stronger. “Think of it as a forced team building exercise,” Aiza says. “Now is the perfect time to look at any problems that you may have, take a pause, and deliberately work on them.”

MindNation psychologists and WellBeing Coaches are available 24/7 for teletherapy sessions if you need help addressing relationship issues, past traumas, or to work on yourself. Book a slot now through FB Messenger or email [email protected].

Categories
Self Help

8 Ways To Overcome Impostor Syndrome

Academy Award-winning actor Tom Hanks struggles with it. So do Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg, tennis superstar Serena Williams, and Nobel Prize-winning poet Maya Angelou. We are talking about imposter syndrome, defined as an internal experience of believing that you are not as competent as others perceive you to be. 

“Imposter syndrome is the experience of feeling like a fraud despite your successes,” says psychologist Riyan Portuguez.  “You think you only got to where you are because of luck, and that any moment someone will expose you for being inadequate or incompetent.”

While imposter syndrome usually appears in high achievers, it can affect anyone no matter their social status, work background, skill level, or degree of expertise.

Some of the common signs of imposter syndrome include:

  • Self-doubt
  • Attributing your success to external factors like good luck or good timing
  • Fear of failure or committing mistakes
  • Fear that you won’t live up to expectations
  • Fear of being judged by others

“Imposter syndrome is the experience of feeling like a fraud despite your successes.You think you only got to where you are because of luck, and that any moment someone will expose you for being inadequate or incompetent.”

Psychologist Riyan Portuguez

Causes

Certain factors can contribute to the experience of impostor syndrome. These include:

  • Family dynamics: Family expectations and the value of success and perfection in childhood can stay with an individual throughout their life.
  • Cultural expectations: Different cultures put different values on education, career, and different definitions of success.
  • Individual personality traits: Perfectionism can lead to imposter syndrome.

Imposter syndrome vs. humility
Imposter syndrome is oftentimes mistaken for excessive humility. But being humble does not mean having a poor opinion of yourself. Instead, you accept yourself and your many good qualities, as well as your limitations. 

People with imposter syndrome, on the other hand, will beat themselves up for committing mistakes and constantly ruminate on what they did wrong or how they could have done better. “Imposter syndrome results in impairment and missed opportunities,” Riyan points out. “When a promotion is offered, for example, a humble person will accept it graciously, acknowledge that they will encounter challenges, and ask for help when needed. On the other hand, someone with imposter syndrome will reject the promotion just because they feel they do not deserve it.” 

How to overcome it

While imposter syndrome is not a recognized mental disorder, it can contribute to mental health challenges like anxiety and depression. So if you see yourself exhibiting characteristics of imposter syndrome, you need to do something about it right away:

  1. Own your successes. “Credit yourself for your achievements and always remind yourself that you deserve the recognition you get,” says Riyan.
  1. Temper your perfectionist tendencies. Instead, learn how to set goals that are challenging but at the same time realistic and achievable.
  2. Accept that mistakes are a part of life. “No one is perfect; there is always room for growth,” reminds Riyan. “Treat mistakes as opportunities for you to become a better version of who you are.”
  3. Be comfortable with discomfort. Navigate your feelings, even the uncomfortable ones. Whenever you experience feelings of self-doubt or inadequacy, ask yourself why you are feeling this way and what made you feel this way. “By doing this, you will eventually identify your triggers and find ways to control them,” Riyan explains.
  4. Repeat after yourself: “Feelings are not facts.” Just because you feel unqualified does not mean you are unqualified. Be aware of the automatic defeatist thoughts and feelings you have, and work on countering those with reality-based statements, such as, “I am qualified for this task because….”
  5. Stop comparing yourself to others. “You are unique in your own way, you move at your own pace,” says Riyan. “If there is something that you need to compare yourself to, it’s to who you were before.”
  6. Use social media moderately. Spending too much time on social media can cause feelings of inferiority and will only make your feelings of being a fraud worse.
  7. Talk to your trusted friends and loved ones. Irrational beliefs tend to fester when they are hidden and not talked about, so the more you talk about it with someone, the more you realize what the problem is and that you are not the only one struggling. Loved ones can also give you the confidence boost you need to overcome your self-doubt. 

While experiencing imposter syndrome is normal, you don’t have to let it control your life and stop you from achieving your goals. Overcome your perfectionist tendencies by setting realistic goals for yourself, and accept that mistakes and failures are a part of life. Whenever you start to doubt your own skills, talk to others so that you realize your fears are unfounded. Finally, take ownership of your successes. Learn how to accept compliments, and draw strength from it.

MindNation psychologists and WellBeing Coaches are available for 24/7 teletherapy sessions if you need someone to talk to about your fears and insecurities. Book a slot through FB Messenger http://mn-chat or email [email protected]. 

Categories
Featured

Beyond Fasting: 5 Lessons We Can All Learn From Ramadan

Today marks the end of Ramadan, the holiest month in the Islamic calendar. One of the key obligations of Ramadan –and the one most familiar to non-Muslims — is fasting. For 29 to 30 days (depending on the lunar cycle), Muslims abstain from eating and drinking during daylight hours. They begin their fast at dawn – usually by eating a light meal known as Suhur – and end it once the sun has set with a meal known as Iftar. Not everyone has to fast — children, the elderly with medical conditions, those who are sick, and pregnant and breastfeeding women are exempted from fasting. Women can also break their fast during Ramadan if they are menstruating; they and any others who miss a few days of fasting for whatever reason can then “make up” for the missed days when the month is over. 

But the fasting is not limited to food and drinks. “We also fast from unhealthy habits and bad behavior,” explains Neiveen Essam, MindNation’s Marketing Manager for the Middle East and North Africa. “These include smoking, swearing, gossipping, arguing, bullying, fighting, or being disrespectful, cruel or selfish.”

This just goes to show that the month of Ramadan is more than just depriving oneself of physical indulgences. Below is what Ramadan is actually about, and what we — regardless of our religious views — can learn from it.

“We use the time to reflect and improve ourselves… By doing this, we realize where we are and where we want to be.” 

Neiveen Essam, MindNation’s Marketing Manager for the Middle East and North Africa
  1. It is a time of introspection.
    Ramadan essentially pushes people to slow down from their fast-paced lives and recalibrate. “We use the time to reflect and improve ourselves,” says Neiveen. “We ask ourselves questions like ‘Do I like where I am in my life? What’s gone well over this past year? What more can I do? And what can I do less?’ By doing this, we realize where we are and where we want to be.” 

What non-Muslims can do: Every so often, take a break from your regular routine and reflect on your life. Think about where you are now, what you’re doing, and your habits. Are you happy and content? If not, what can you do about it?

  1. It teaches empathy.
    By going without food and water for an extended period of time, Mulims realize what it must be like for many people all over the world who experience hunger and thirst on a daily basis. “We learn to be more compassionate towards the less fortunate,” says Neiveen. 

What non-Muslims can do: Develop a habit of gratitude. Take a few moments each day to consider at least three things you are grateful for. You can record them in a journal, or just allow them to absorb your thoughts.

  1. It reminds us to be generous.
    Iftar before the COVID-19 pandemic was a festive time of day.  Communities and organizations would prepare tables laden with food and set up chairs in public places so that anyone and everyone — most especially the needy — can eat for free. This year, such gatherings are banned because of social distancing measures, although most people continue the tradition on their own by ordering small Iftar meals from restaurants and distributing them to poor neighborhoods.

    What non-Muslims can do: There are many ways to safely do charity work during the pandemic. If you want to serve in person, speak with your local churches or community groups to find out what opportunities are available; if you prefer to stay at home, gather and/or donate much-needed supplies to organizations in need.
  2. It brings people closer together.
    “Traditionally, people take Ramadan as an opportunity to meet and socialize, especially if they do not meet a lot throughout the year,” explains Neiveen. Families and friends share Iftar or Suhur in each other’s homes, with some even going to more than one home in the span of an evening. But because social gatherings are banned this year, many are connecting with their loved ones through digital platforms instead. 

What non-Muslims can do: Video chatting is great, but if you want to make your weekly calls with family and friends more special, try hosting a game night just to spice things up. There are many options available online, from simple trivia games to classic board games that got virtual makeovers. 

  1. It boosts your spiritual well-being.
    Fasting from bad behavior, reflecting, and being charitable are all ways we can find meaning in our lives and become more motivated to become better people. “It is very easy for God to just tell us to donate to the poor,” Neiveen says. “But by telling us to fast, He lets us really feel what the less fortunate are feeling so that when we DO donate, it is more sincere and impactful.”  

    What non-Muslims can do: Find your Ikigai —  what is your reason for getting out of bed each morning? Answering this question will lead you down a road where you will think more in-depth about yourself and allow you to notice things about yourself that will help you achieve fulfillment.  Read more about Ikigai here. 

Even though Ramadan only lasts a month, it is possible to carry its lessons throughout the year. “Once you learn the lessons, be consistent,” Neiveen advises. “Always remind yourself that not only can you be a good person, you can be a better person by continually practicing good habits and abstaining from  bad ones.”

24/7 teletherapy sessions with psychologists and WellBeing Coaches are available for those living in the United Arab Emirates. Message bit.ly/mn-chat to book a session now. Sessions for the rest of the Middle East and North Africa coming soon!