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Do’s And Don’ts For Supporting A Colleague With a Mental Health Concern

Photo by Anna Shvets on Pexels.com

There are many ways to help someone going through a tough time, just make sure you do it properly

What should you do if you think that a team meamber is exhibiting signs of a mental health concern? What if you want to help but can’t find the right words to say? How can we be more present to those in need?

 The good news is more often than not, you don’t even need to say anything. “What’s more important is you respond sensitively to their needs and show that you care,” says Riyan Portuguez,  RPsy RPm (also known as Your Millennial Psychologist). “Your mere presence already has a powerful effect,” she assures.

Below are some ways:

Do:

  1. Dedicate enough time. If you want to get to the bottom of their issues, staying behind for an extra 30-minutes after an online meeting will not cut it. “An honest-to-goodness conversation will take hours, so be sure you won’t be distracted by other matters,” points out Riyan. 
  1. Let them lead the discussion. Allow them to share as much or as little as they want to. Don’t pressure them to tell you anything that they are not ready to talk about. Talking takes a lot of trust and courage; you might even be the first person they have been able to talk to about this issue. 
  1. Validate their feelings. “Listen actively and empathize as much as you can,” advises Riyan. Remember, you don’t have to agree with someone’s feelings or choices to acknowledge that their emotions are valid.
  1. Offer to accompany them to a mental health professional to prevent further harm. They may be hesitant to take this next step because of the stigma associated with seeking professional treatment for mental health concerns, but assure them that it is a good way for them to receive proper care. Another option you can suggest is MindNation’s 24/7 chat helpline on FB Messenger. Assure your friend that the service is free, completely confidential, and that the staff are trained to ease their anxieties. 
  1. Know your limitations. “Make sure YOU are mentally and emotionally prepared to offer help,” Riyan reminds. Self-care is critical when you are supporting someone who is in crisis. When someone unburdens themselves to you, you might end up absorbing all the strong emotions, so make sure you set boundaries and take steps to protect yourself by doing activities before and after the conversation that leave you feeling rested, relaxed, and recharged. And if you feel you have reached your limit, don’t feel bad about stepping back, but do it properly.

Don’t

  1. Diagnose. Do not make assumptions about what is wrong with the person. “When you initiate the conversation, avoid blurting inappropriate things like ‘I notice that you seem down lately, are you depressed?’” Riyan instructs. “A better way to phrase it would be ‘You seem down lately, are you okay?’ or ‘Is there anything I can do?’” 
  1. Start with “How are you?” Riyan says this is because it would be easy for the person to just say “I’m fine” even though he or she is really not. She suggests that if you want the other person to open up, a better way would be to phrase the question in such a way that it compels the responder to do an action, such as “Hey, are you free later? Let’s talk.” 
  1. Break their trust. Do not gossip about your friend’s problems to other people; neither should you report his or her mental health concerns to their boss even if your intentions are good (i.e. you want to alert them that their team member has mental health struggles). “This will cause your friend to resent you, when what you want is to maintain his or her trust in you,” Riyan points out. If you really feel that you need to get others involved, ask for permission first, i.e. “Is it okay to open this up to your team leader?” Then follow up with “I think it would be nice to mention what you told me to them, so that they can also help you.” Lastly, offer to accompany the person when he or she has that conversation as a form of moral support. 
  1. Invalidate their feelings. According to Riyan some of the things you should not say to someone struggling with a mental health concern include: 
  • “It’s all in your head” 
  • “Things could get worse” 
  • “Have you tried chamomile tea/lavender lotion/praying/going out more/etc” 
  • “Shake it off.” 
  1. Ghost, ignore, or avoid them. If you become too overwhelmed to engage with them, don’t just disappear without a world. Step back, but do so respectfully and thoughtfully. Be honest about your reasons for stepping back, and do not blame the person (in the same way that you would not blame a cancer patient for the stress that results from their struggles). Set a date on when you will next touch base with him or her so that they feel assured that you still care for them and that the timeout is only temporary. Lastly, reach out to other members of your friend’s support network and make sure they can commit to helping out if there is an emergency. 

The best thing you can do for someone struggling with a mental health concern is to instill hope. “Saying ‘We will get through this together’ assures the person that he or she is not alone,” says Riyan.

— Written by Jaclyn Lutanco-Chua of MindNation

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Mental Health 101 Self Help

6 Ways To Support Someone Who is Unemployed

Losing one’s job can be emotionally devastating. If your friend or family member is going through such a difficult time, below are some ways you can help their mental health.

The COVID-19 pandemic has rendered millions of people all over the world laid off, and chances are that one of them is someone that you personally know. 

If your friend or family member is suddenly unemployed, it’s normal for you to feel concerned but unsure of what to do or say to make them feel better. Below are some things you can do:

  1. Don’t be in a rush to cheer them up

We feel bad if a loved one is in despair, so our first instinct is to try to lift their spirits up. But saying things like “Everything will be all right” or “I’m sure you’ll find a job soon,” is not the way to go because it will seem as if you are telling them to brush aside the hurt, anger, and sadness that they are feeling inside and put on a happy face right away. Remind them that it’s okay to not be okay. 

  1. Instead, offer a listening ear. 

Your loved ones may be hesitant to open up because they think that others will look down on them or will regard them as a burden. Or they may feel that no one will understand what they are going through. So take the initiative and give them a call or send a short text. Say something as simple as “I know this is a rough time for you but I want you to know that if you need to talk, I am here for you.” Then if they take you up on the offer just quietly listen and validate their emotions (i.e. “That sounds hard.”) Do not offer advice unless they expressly ask for it. 

  1. Don’t blame.

One of the worst things to do is to blame the person for being unemployed. Bringing up past mistakes (“You got yourself fired because you did not work hard enough”) or labeling the person (“You really can’t keep a job”) will only make them feel much worse. This is a rough time and they need your support, not additional negativity. Even if you think your criticism is constructive, it will not help the current situation. 

  1. Don’t nag.

There is a difference between encouraging your friend or family member to be more active in searching for a job and putting undue additional pressure on them. Nagging them to submit resumes, follow-up applications, or hold practice interviews will only add stress to an already stressful time.  

  1. Instead, reward small accomplishments. 

Notice the positive steps your loved one is making and say things like “It’s good you were able to send out five applications today,” or “Congratulations on getting a call-back.” Also give praise if your friend does healthy activities not related to work, like taking up a new exercise regimen or embarking on a home improvement project. By focusing on the positives, you acknowledge their efforts as well as build their self-confidence.

  1. Offer distractions

Plan activities together that will help them temporarily get their minds off their job worries, although be mindful of their budget concerns. Take a walk around the block for some fresh air or exercise, or plan a virtual game night with friends. Just because they are unemployed does not mean they no longer deserves to rest or relax. 

Keep in mind that being unemployed is a hard time for your friend or family member. Don’t let stress, anxiety, or depression take over their life. Take the lead in supporting their emotional well-being and remind them to take care of their physical health too. Only then will they be strong and confident enough to move on to the next phase of their life. 

MINDNATION IS HERE

Does your friend or loved one need someone to speak to? MindNation psychologists are available for teletherapy sessions 24/7. Book a session now thru bit.ly/mn-chat.

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Featured Mental Health 101 Self Help

Stressed Because Of Unemployment?

Here are 10 ways you can take care of your mental health as you exit, look for, or rest from employment.

If you’ve recently lost your job because of the pandemic, you may be struggling to manage feelings of sadness and hopelessness as you worry about the future and your family’s well-being. At the same time, you may be coping with other troubling thoughts like:

  • A loss of identity and sense of purpose
  • Feeing useless 
  • Feeing angry and jealous of others who still have work

During this difficult time, it is all the more important that you pay attention to your mental health. Not doing so might cause mood swings, depression, and anxiety to dominate your entire life, leading to problems like substance abuse, deterioration of physical health, or withdrawal from day to day activities. In addition, mental health conditions might make you too nervous or lack the confidence to apply for a new job. 

Here are some ways you can maintain positive mental health during this difficult period: 

  1. Acknowledge (don’t ignore) your emotions. It is perfectly normal to feel bad and scared over losing your job. These feelings should never be buried or ignored; instead allow yourself the time and space to grieve. If it helps, call up a friend or loved one to act as a sounding board so you can sort through your feelings. However – 
  1. Avoid self-recrimination. Be kind to yourself. Avoid negative self-talk like “It’s all my fault I lost my job,” “Nobody is going to want to employ me,” or “What’s the point of even trying?!” This defeatist attitude does not help. 
  1. Don’t isolate yourself. It is normal to feel ashamed about having lost a job, which will make you want to avoid family and friends. But opening up to supportive friends or loved ones, even if it’s just a select few, can make a big difference in boosting your mental health. During the pandemic, you can still maintain social interactions through video chat, talking on the phone, or sending messages.
  1. Maintain a regular routine. Resist the urge to stay in bed all day, skip meals, or shy away from day-to-day responsibilities at home – these will only increase your sense of distress and will highlight the disparity between your pre- and post- employed lifestyle. Instead, continue to wake up at the same time each day, eat healthy meals, and make time for exercise. Working out can relieve symptoms of stress, anxiety, and depression. Focusing on your physical and mental health can help you feel better and more in control of your life.
  1. Set daily goals. Once you are up and about, write down a to-do list of goals that you want to accomplish every day. Whether that means sending out five job applications, updating your resume, catching up on housework, or finishing two chapters of a new book, setting goals gives you something to work towards. Staying busy will also keep you from ruminating about your job loss. Unemployment can definitely affect your self-esteem but if you’re constantly working towards a goal or doing something to improve yourself, you will feel more accomplished and start regaining your sense of self-worth.
  1. Set limits to job searching. Don’t let looking for work take over your life. Instead, allot a dedicated number of hours each day to updating your resume, looking at job openings online, or filling out applications. But also remember that you deserve to rest and relax. 
  1. Volunteer. If you’re feeling stuck or isolated, consider devoting a certain number of hours each week to a worthy cause. Make face masks or face shields to donate to those who need them. Run errands for elderly or immunocompromised neighbors. Or cook meals and deliver them to medical frontliners or the less fortunate in your area. Volunteering can make you feel better about yourself, allow you to add a positive entry to your resume, or in some cases even result in a job opportunity.
  1. De-stress through healthy ways. Make sure you have plenty of healthy coping mechanisms at your disposal, so you can reach for something healthy when your stress or anxiety start to escalate. Writing in a journal, meditating, deep breathing, and yoga are a few examples. You may be tempted to turn to things that will give you immediate relief—like alcohol or food – but note that these things will cause more problems for you in the long term. 
  1. Take up a new hobby. Use your new-found free time as an opportunity to do something you were always too busy for. New hobbies can give you something to look forward to and keep you busy. Build a bookshelf, organize your closet, or start growing your own herbs and vegetables. Consider learning a new language, instrument, or craft. Take advantage of free or discounted classes being offered online. 
  1. Know when to get more help. If you’re experiencing a persistent low mood for more than two weeks or have difficulty functioning, please seek the help of a mental health professional. The pandemic has upended the jobs and lives of many other people – you are not alone. 

If you practice healthy coping strategies to care for your mental health while unemployed, you’ll have higher self-esteem, more stable moods, fewer bouts of anxiety and depression, and more confidence to tackle the next stage of your life.