Tag: Family Mental Health

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Do’s And Don’ts For Supporting A Colleague With a Mental Health Concern

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There are many ways to help someone going through a tough time, just make sure you do it properly

What should you do if you think that a team meamber is exhibiting signs of a mental health concern? What if you want to help but can’t find the right words to say? How can we be more present to those in need?

 The good news is more often than not, you don’t even need to say anything. “What’s more important is you respond sensitively to their needs and show that you care,” says Riyan Portuguez,  RPsy RPm (also known as Your Millennial Psychologist). “Your mere presence already has a powerful effect,” she assures.

Below are some ways:

Do:

  1. Dedicate enough time. If you want to get to the bottom of their issues, staying behind for an extra 30-minutes after an online meeting will not cut it. “An honest-to-goodness conversation will take hours, so be sure you won’t be distracted by other matters,” points out Riyan. 
  1. Let them lead the discussion. Allow them to share as much or as little as they want to. Don’t pressure them to tell you anything that they are not ready to talk about. Talking takes a lot of trust and courage; you might even be the first person they have been able to talk to about this issue. 
  1. Validate their feelings. “Listen actively and empathize as much as you can,” advises Riyan. Remember, you don’t have to agree with someone’s feelings or choices to acknowledge that their emotions are valid.
  1. Offer to accompany them to a mental health professional to prevent further harm. They may be hesitant to take this next step because of the stigma associated with seeking professional treatment for mental health concerns, but assure them that it is a good way for them to receive proper care. Another option you can suggest is MindNation’s 24/7 chat helpline on FB Messenger. Assure your friend that the service is free, completely confidential, and that the staff are trained to ease their anxieties. 
  1. Know your limitations. “Make sure YOU are mentally and emotionally prepared to offer help,” Riyan reminds. Self-care is critical when you are supporting someone who is in crisis. When someone unburdens themselves to you, you might end up absorbing all the strong emotions, so make sure you set boundaries and take steps to protect yourself by doing activities before and after the conversation that leave you feeling rested, relaxed, and recharged. And if you feel you have reached your limit, don’t feel bad about stepping back, but do it properly.

Don’t

  1. Diagnose. Do not make assumptions about what is wrong with the person. “When you initiate the conversation, avoid blurting inappropriate things like ‘I notice that you seem down lately, are you depressed?’” Riyan instructs. “A better way to phrase it would be ‘You seem down lately, are you okay?’ or ‘Is there anything I can do?’” 
  1. Start with “How are you?” Riyan says this is because it would be easy for the person to just say “I’m fine” even though he or she is really not. She suggests that if you want the other person to open up, a better way would be to phrase the question in such a way that it compels the responder to do an action, such as “Hey, are you free later? Let’s talk.” 
  1. Break their trust. Do not gossip about your friend’s problems to other people; neither should you report his or her mental health concerns to their boss even if your intentions are good (i.e. you want to alert them that their team member has mental health struggles). “This will cause your friend to resent you, when what you want is to maintain his or her trust in you,” Riyan points out. If you really feel that you need to get others involved, ask for permission first, i.e. “Is it okay to open this up to your team leader?” Then follow up with “I think it would be nice to mention what you told me to them, so that they can also help you.” Lastly, offer to accompany the person when he or she has that conversation as a form of moral support. 
  1. Invalidate their feelings. According to Riyan some of the things you should not say to someone struggling with a mental health concern include: 
  • “It’s all in your head” 
  • “Things could get worse” 
  • “Have you tried chamomile tea/lavender lotion/praying/going out more/etc” 
  • “Shake it off.” 
  1. Ghost, ignore, or avoid them. If you become too overwhelmed to engage with them, don’t just disappear without a world. Step back, but do so respectfully and thoughtfully. Be honest about your reasons for stepping back, and do not blame the person (in the same way that you would not blame a cancer patient for the stress that results from their struggles). Set a date on when you will next touch base with him or her so that they feel assured that you still care for them and that the timeout is only temporary. Lastly, reach out to other members of your friend’s support network and make sure they can commit to helping out if there is an emergency. 

The best thing you can do for someone struggling with a mental health concern is to instill hope. “Saying ‘We will get through this together’ assures the person that he or she is not alone,” says Riyan.

— Written by Jaclyn Lutanco-Chua of MindNation

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Self Help

8 (Other) Effective Ways Parents Can Practice Self-Care

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If you’ve been taking breaks throughout your work-from-home-day, no longer need to remind your kids to be quiet when you are napping, and manage to squeeze in some exercise in-between doing household chores — congratulations! You have made self-care a part of your life and are on the right track to experiencing reduced stress, more energy, and increased resilience. 

How about trying a few other ways to destress, decompress, and reward yourself? We’ve compiled some suggestions for you: 

  1. Watch a different genre on TV. We all love our Hollywood movies and sitcoms, but how about trying out some new categories for a change? If your goal is to temporarily escape reality, Korean dramas, cooking shows, and home improvement shows will surely take you there. 

What we recommend: “Start-Up” if you are a K-drama newbie, “Nailed It,” if you want a comedic baking show (yes, there is such a thing!)  “Tiny House Nation” if you want tips on how to live simply.

  1. Engage in light reading. Reading is good for your brain but that doesn’t mean your bedside table has to be stacked with Pulitzer-Prize winning works or other serious tones. Romance novels, comic books, and other forms of light reading do not tax a brain that’s already tired from a full day and provide much-needed stress relief.  

What we recommend: Dilbert and Calvin & Hobbes comic books for humor; anything by Julia Quinn for romance; the Trese comic series for action and a fresh take on Philippine mythology.

  1. Build something. When you work with your hands to create something from scratch, you trigger your brain’s reward centers and experience pleasure, which leads to reduced stress, anxiety, and depression. 

What we recommend: Lego and other construction blocks if you are a beginner and need step-by step guidance; jigsaw puzzles if you’ve had more experience; plastic model kits (i.e. Tamiya, Bandai) if you are up for a challenge. 

  1. Dress up, just because. Holiday parties may be put on hold because of the pandemic, but there’s no law against jazzing up your looks in the comfort of your home. Nothing will make you feel better faster than the sight of you in the mirror looking well-groomed and stylish. 

What we recommend: Set aside one day of the week (i.e. Fancy Fridays) where you and your partner will both swap the loungewear for dressier choices, complete with styled hair and makeup for the ladies. 

  1. Pop some bubble wrap. Odds are you’ve amassed quite a bit from all the orders that have arrived from your online shopping. Instead of putting them straight into the recycling bin, spend a few minutes popping the row of bubbles. What makes it so pleasurable is the instant gratification you receive from pressing out all the air; studies have even shown that popping bubble wrap for 60 seconds relieves as much stress as a 33-minute massage!

What we recommend: Another way bubble wrap can bring relief — cut up big sheets into the shape of your shoes and use them as shoe inserts the next time you have to go out to purchase essential items. Instant foot massage! 

  1. Cook or bake something simple. Both activities can help improve mood by providing small tasks to focus on in a manner similar to meditation. Let’s also not discount the sense of accomplishment you get when you smell or taste the end result of your kitchen experiment. If you find the prepping or cleaning to be a chore, round up the partner and kids to help out — instant family bonding time!

What we recommend: If you’re a beginner in the kitchen, start with store bought cake mixes that only need a few additional ingredients to yield the finished product (less mess to clean up too!) If you want to try your hand at cooking, we love Laura Vitale’s Youtube videos (laurainthekitchen.com) because the recipes are beginner-friendly but no less yummy.

  1. Keep physically close to your partner. According to Hans Delos Reyes, a MindNation wellness coach, positive physical contact with a partner can increase your mood and decrease your stress levels. 

What we recommend: If privacy is hard to come by because the kids are home ALL day, you and your partner need to get creative and even go easy on some of the household rules. Put them to bed earlier than usual, or wake them up later in the mornings (because 1-on-1 time does not only have to happen at night). If you can only spare an hour in the middle of the day, let them play with their gadgets or watch tv longer, then find other spots at home where you can have privacy.   

  1. Take care of plants. There’s a reason more people are buying plants during the pandemic. “It’s not just a trend, it is also a good way to take care of yourself,” says Hans. When you expose yourself to nature, you help the body increase melatonin, which is responsible for regulating sleep and lowering stress labels. “In addition, watching your plants to grow provides you with a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction,” he adds.

What we recommend: Don’t have a green thumb? Try puttering with succulents first, which are inexpensive, don’t take up a lot of space, and are low-maintenance. 

Always remember that self-care isn’t just important, it’s crucial. Practicing self-care doesn’t make you weak; it helps you stay strong and recharges you so that you can care for your family and do your work better. 

—

Written by Jac of MindNation

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Get Inspired Mental Health 101 Self Help

8 Things To Do When Someone Is Mad At You

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Being face to face with an angry person can be scary or frustrating, but there are ways to soothe the situation. 

Despite your best intentions, there will be times when you come across someone who is upset, frustrated, or angry with you. If you do not know how to handle this situation, you may end up feeling stressed, anxious, depressed, or angry as well. On the other hand, when you respond to anger in the right manner, you quickly restore normalcy, reduce tension and stress, and, in some cases, even make the relationship stronger. 

Below are 8 things you can do when someone is mad at you:

  1. Listen, listen, and listen. In his book “Anger: Taming A Powerful Emotion,” Dr. Gary Chapman, a well-known marriage counselor and author of the bestselling book “The Five Love Languages,” lists down three important steps for dealing with an angry person. “First, listen. Second, listen. Third, listen,” he writes. “The best thing you can do for an angry person is to listen to his story. Having heard it, ask him to repeat it. Having heard it a second time, ask additional questions to clarify the situation. Listen at least three times before you give a response.” By having the angry person retell his or her reason for being upset, you are making them realize that you are taking their concerns seriously as well as giving them ample time to calm down. 
  1. Don’t dismiss their feelings or concerns. “Seeking to put a cap on another person’s anger is perhaps the worst way to respond to an angry person,” states Dr.Chapman. “We may not like the way the angry person is speaking to us, but the fact that he is sharing his anger is positive. The anger cannot be processed positively if it is held inside. It needs to be expressed, even if it is expressed with a loud voice.”
  1. Be calm but assertive. Even if the other person is already shouting expletives or throwing things around, do not respond with a raised voice or physical violence. “When the angry person is spewing out words and you engage in argument with him, it is like throwing gasoline on the fire,” says Dr. Chapman. “An angry person can burn all night if you continue to throw gasoline. But when you listen as the anger burns, eventually the fuel of his anger will burn out.” 

So when talking to an angry person, keep your tone even but maintain assertive body language like standing straight and maintaining eye contact. Don’t slouch or cross your arms because these convey that you are bored or not open to the communication. Don’t stand too close either; leave about a 3-foot distance between you and the other person so that you do not come across as too aggressive. 

  1. Acknowledge the other person’s anger. Anger is often a response to feeling misunderstood or ignored, so even if it’s the last thing you want to do, let the person know that you get that he or she is upset. “Put yourself in her shoes and try to view the world through her eyes.,”Dr. Chapman advises. “Ask yourself, ‘Would I be angry in the same situation?’” This is called empathy. It doesn’t matter if the person was the one at fault or if the reason for the anger is irrational. Whether one’s interpretation of the situation is correct is not the issue at this point. “This is not the stage in which to argue with the person about his interpretation. What you are trying to do is to understand his anger so that you might help him process it,” Dr. Chapman advises. 
  1. Be an active listener. Show that you are engaged with the other person by making eye contact, nodding, and using phrases like “uh-huh” and “mm-hmm.” Also, avoid using the word “but” (i.e. “I understand what you are saying BUT___”) When people hear “but,” they tend to get angry again because all they hear is “You’re wrong, I’m right.” Instead, use “and” statements like “I see your point AND I think we can fix this by ___.”
  1. Accept responsibility and offer a solution.  “If you realize that the angry person’s anger is definitive; that is, you have genuinely wronged her—intentionally or unintentionally, what you did or said was unfair and hurt her deeply—then it is time for your confession and efforts to make right the wrong you have committed,” Dr. Chapman advises. “Ask for forgiveness .”
  1. Try to find common ground between you and the angry person to help redirect the hostile situation into an amicable solution. For example, you can say something like “I understand fairness is important to you. It is to me as well. May I suggest we try ___.” This helps communicate to the other party that you are working towards the same goal. 
  1. Thank the other person. If you have been able to resolve the conflict, wrap up the conversation with a word of thanks. You can tell a customer “Thank you for allowing me to make this problem right” while you can tell a loved one “Thank you for sharing your problem with me, I now know what to do and not to do next time.”

As a final word: If you constantly find yourself fighting with a significant person in your life (i.e. a spouse, parent, sibling, or child), or he/she constantly flies off the handle at the slightest provocation, you may need to seek the services of a therapist or psychologist. Not only can these professionals mediate the situation, they can also teach both of you effective problem-solving and communication skills including how to overcome  angry feelings, strategies for expressing emotions, ways to recognize negative thought patterns that cause anger, and ways to relax and handle stress. 

Anger is a universal emotion, so no matter what you do or where you are, it is important to know how to deal with angry people calmly and firmly. Be empathetic, and always remember to stay composed and rational so that you can resolve the problem as smoothly and efficiently as possible. 

— Written by Jaclyn Lutanco-Chua of MindNation

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Get Inspired Mental Health 101 Self Help

8 Ways To Help Teens Increase Their Self-confidence

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It’s hard being a teenager. On top of dealing with the major physical and emotional changes that come with puberty, they must also grapple with being accepted in friendship groups and fulfill the roles expected of them in school and at home. Successes or setbacks in these areas can affect how they view themselves, which in turn can impact their self-confidence.

Confidence is defined as the belief that one will be successful in a particular situation or at a specific task. For teenagers, having a healthy dose of confidence is important because: 

  • They display more emotional resilience — even if they don’t have all the skills and knowledge required to overcome a particular problem, they are assured of their abilities and resourcefulness to acquire what they need. 
  • Confidence helps teenagers make safe, informed decisions. They can avoid people and situations that aren’t necessarily right for them, and find those that are.
  • Lastly, teens who are confident are also more likely to be assertive, positive, engaged, enthusiastic, and persistent.

Self-doubt

On the other hand, teenagers plagued by self-doubt will feel that they are incapable of accomplishing tasks. They may be afraid to recite in class or try new activities. But don’t panic if your child occasionally displays self-doubt. “Having a certain level of self-doubt is not necessarily a bad thing,” assures Joyce Pring-Triviño, actress, philanthropist, and host of the Adulting with Joyce Pring podcast (https://open.spotify.com/show/0GVJ57XsbtgwRW7TJxNI0c). “A person has healthy self-doubt when even though he or she feels that they are not good at something, they are challenged to do better instead of outrightly giving up.”

That said, parents should be on the lookout for signs of unhealthy and persistent self-doubt, because if left unidentified or unresolved, it can lead to problems such as:

  • Negative moods like feeling sad, anxious, ashamed, or angry 
  • Relationship troubles
  • Low motivation
  • Poor body image
  • Earlier sexual activity
  • Drinking alcohol or taking drugs to feel better

Developing confidence

There are a number of things that you can do to help teenagers develop their self-confidence: 

  1. Don’t let them be defined by their failures or successes. Teenagers often see the world in black and white. If they get a low grade in a subject, they feel that they are not smart students. If they don’t win at sports events, they think that they are poor athletes. If a romantic relationship fails, they bemoan that they will never find love again. “But life should not be measured by one’s successes or failures,” Joyce advises. Assure your teen that he or she is not just a student, an athlete, or a boyfriend or girlfriend; they are also so many other things, including being sons, daughters, cousins, someone’s friend, a budding artist, etc.  
  1. Prioritize self-improvement. “‘Life is an infinite game,’” Joyce says, quoting from the book “The Infinite Game” by motivational author Simon Sinek. “There is always the opportunity to become better. If you did not do well today, you can always do better tomorrow.”
  1. Praise effort instead of outcome. While your teen cannot control the outcome of an exam, he or she can control how much effort they put into studying for it. If they get a low grade as a result, don’t berate them; instead, refer to the tip above and tell them to pay attention to the mistakes made so that they can do better next time. And if they get a good grade, praise them for all the studying they did instead of getting the high marks (i.e. “Your efforts really paid off!”). By doing this,  they will feel that they can always develop their abilities to become better or persist when the going gets tough.
  2. Teach your teen to speak up for himself or herself (in an appropriate manner). Assure them that it’s okay to ask for help when they don’t understand school work, rather than stay quiet, preserve their pride, but end up falling behind. Encourage them to speak up if they feel they are not being treated right by others — this will make them less likely to be treated poorly by peers. When they grow up, they will have the confidence to ask for what they need in a more direct manner, and protect themselves from untoward situations. 
  3. Encourage your teen just try. This is especially true when your child needs to step out of his or her comfort zone, like performing onstage or participating in a sporting event. “The only thing that keeps us from being confident is taking that first step to try,” Joyce says. Don’t focus on whether or not the attempt ends in success, because as we mentioned in tip #1, one should not be defined by what he or she did or did not achieve. But the very act of trying new activities is already a win because your  teen will end up discovering hidden talents, challenge himself or herself, or master a new skill — all of which can help grow his or her confidence. 
  4. Promote body positivity. Basing self-worth on superficial things, external circumstances, or other people leads to a lack of confidence in the long run. For example, if your teenage daughter only feels good when she fits into a certain size of clothes, this can have an effect on her body image and self-esteem. If your son feels anxious because his latest social media post is not getting many “likes,” he is basing his worth on other people’s opinions. Help your teen build a healthy and stable foundation for self-worth. Emphasize your values and teach that true self-worth is about living according to those values. For example, help them see that it’s more important to be kind and caring rather than thin or attractive.
  5. Avoid being a helicopter parent. When you micromanage your teen’s life, you will only reinforce that he or she can’t be trusted to make good choices on their own. Guide them when they make decisions, but also allow them to make their own mistakes and learn from them. Over time, they’ll develop increased confidence in their ability to make healthy choices.
  6. Avoid comparison. “One of the reasons self-doubt is so prevalent is because we tend to look at other people and how good their life is, instead of looking at ourselves and how good our life is,” Joyce points out. “Start life with an attitude of gratitude instead of from a place of comparison and entitlement. The more we expect our lives to be as perfect as others’, the more unhappy and disappointed we will be.” 

When you nurture your child through supportive words and actions, you nurture his or her self-esteem and give them the confidence needed to face any challenges that come their way.  “The key to developing your teen’s self-confidence is to make sure that he or she is grounded in the more important things of life,” Joyce says. “One is the unconditional love of the people around them. Another is the acceptance that life is not perfect. As long as they are able to give their best at everything, then they are doing the right thing.”

–Written by Jaclyn Lutanco-Chua of MindNation

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Featured Get Inspired Mental Health 101

4 Psychological Benefits Of Family Meals

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Family mealtimes are not just for rest and sustenance; research has shown that when families eat together, the members reap gains that go beyond better physical health.

Below are 4 research-backed reasons why eating together as a family can contribute to improved mental and emotional well-being:

1. Children tend to be happier.

Because eating together improves parent-child relationships, children feel more stable, secure, and are less inclined to engage in risky behavior like suicide and unsafe sex practices. They are also less likely to have mental illnesses like depression and anxiety. The same is true for adults — studies show that mothers who ate with their families often were also found to be happier and less stressed compared to mothers who did not.

2. It’s easier for parents to monitor and protect the kids from bullying.

Bullying and cyber-bullying have become ever present threats to school-going children. Although parents can do little to avoid bullying from ever occurring, conversing over meals can help them find out if their child is being bullied and help him respond to the situation.

3. Children do better academically.

Scientists have found that when parents converse with their children during mealtimes, the child will have a better vocabulary than children whose parents don’t have a sit down meal with them. Children also seem to score academically better on an average when they eat regularly with the parents – possibly since mealtimes are a great opportunity for parents to discuss projects, identify weak spots, and encourage strengths in the child’s academic progress

4. Better parent-child relationships.

Parents and children who eat regular family dinners seem to share a better relationship. They are more honest and open with each other, and the parents are more likely to know what is happening in the child’s life. Studies also show that children from families who eat together regularly felt that they could share their problem with their parents and turn to them for advice and support. On the other hand, teens from families that did not eat together regularly were more likely to feel isolated from their parents.

When eating together:

  • Focus on enjoying each other’s company, not on what or how much each child is eating.
  • Keep conversations positive. Encourage children to talk about their day. This helps to develop more communication between family members.
  • Schedule difficult or disciplinary conversations for some time other than meals.
  • Turn off distractions like the TV, computer, tablets and phones during mealtimes. Keep toys and books off the table.

Family mealtimes provide parents and children a great opportunity to socialize, relax, and improve their mental health. If conflicting schedules do not allow for everyone to be together in the evening, then schedule family meals at breakfast or lunch; just pick a time when everyone can be together in a relaxed setting, and do it regularly.

We can all help prevent suicide. If you or a loved one is in distress, MindNation psychologists are available for teletherapy sessions. Book a sessions now: bit.ly/mn-chat.

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Featured Mental Health 101

5 Ways To Build A Healthy Body Image In Children

Self-acceptance starts at home.

Previously, we talked about how adults can develop body positivity. But because body image concerns can begin as early as childhood, it’s also important for parents and other adult role models to promote a positive body image to the younger generation

Why? Studies have shown that young people with a positive image of themselves grow up to be more confident individuals. They are more likely to succeed in their goals because they do not spend time worrying about calories, food, or weight. On the other hand, kids with negative body image feel more self-conscious and anxious. They are at greater risk for excessive weight gain, eating disorders, depression, and other mental health issues. 

Here are the things you can do cultivate body positivity in your children: 

  1. Be a good role model

Children pick up cues from their parents, so be conscious about the way you talk about bodies to your children. Does she see you constantly stepping on the weighing scale or measuring your waistline? Do you often complain about how certain clothes make you fat? If yes, your child might begin to become conscious of her appearance as well. 

How about how you describe others? Do you often describe relatives and friends as “the fat one,” “the one with bad skin,” or “the sexy one”? Refrain from doing so, or, if possible, make positive comments about people of all shapes and sizes or point out other forms of beauty. 

  1. Stop obsessing about numbers. 

Instead of focusing on a target weight or clothes size, aim to live a healthy and active lifestyle. This means encouraging kids to play instead of “working out,” and eating balanced meals instead of “dieting.” This teaches kids that taking care of their bodies is more important than needing to look a certain way. 

  1. Praise strength over sexiness.

Show like “American Ninja Warrior” and “The Titan Games” showcase people of different shapes, sizes, and color doing amazing feats of athleticism. These are the people your children should be emulating.

  1. Watch out for body shaming. 

No one is perfect, but if you look at the comments on social media you would think that everyone should be perfect lest they get teased or bullied. Tell your child to either ignore these nasty comments, or, if she’s old enough, to respond simply with “I try not to talk negatively about bodies” or “What a weird world we live in where people feel they can judge each other’s bodies.” 

  1. Educate them that there is no such thing as the “perfect body.”

Help your child be more critical and observant. Explain to them that the pictures of models they see on tv, magazines, or online have been retouched or changed so that the bodies appear “perfect.”

Remember that a healthy body image begins at home. Focus on healthy living and not on outward appearances, so that your child will grow up confident and comfortable in her own body. 

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Mental Health 101

10 Ways to Nurture Empathy in Teens

Children start to become aware of or may even experience negative behaviors like bullying, racism, and derogatory languages during their teen years (ages 13-19). Empathy can help them navigate these ethical challenges and make them become helpful, caring, and respectful members of the community.

Here are some ways you can help your teenager be more mindful of feelings, whether their own or those of others.

  1. Be sure that your teen knows that you value empathy among all others. Do not focus solely on his academic or extracurricular achievements; give him praise if he displays empathy towards someone else (i.e. defends a peer against bullying)
  2. Start conversations about forms of discrimination and stigmas. Don’t think that your 13-year-old is too young to understand concepts like “Islamaphobia” or “sexism;” if he is watching tv or films, you can already talk to him about how people are depicted based on their gender, race, religion, etc. Remember that the only way to disrupt stereotypes is to actively talk about them
  3. Model caring for others. If you talk a lot about empathy but don’t demonstrate it, your teen will notice. So back up your words by showing up to advocate with others and respond to community needs.
  4. Help your teen understand that the world doesn’t revolve around him. Helping around the house, doing chores, volunteering time, and practicing gratitude are all simple ways to reinforce this.
  5. Empathize with your child. When your teen comes to you with a problem, the first instinct is to either brush it off (“That’s not hard, what are you complaining about?”) or rush to fix it by yourself. Instead of doing these, tune in to your child’s emotional needs first. Say “That sounds hard. Tell me more about it,” then guide your child in coming up with solutions to the problem.
  6. Cultivate a diverse community and group of friends. Young people who form friendships and relationships with people across race, ability, sexual orientation, ethnicity and other identities, naturally consider their perspectives more often.
  7. Set high ethical standards. Examples of these include taking responsibility for commitments, making courageous decisions even when they are hard, and being kind and caring in the face of hatred.
  8. Give your teen time. Sometimes young people don’t appear to be empathetic because they are in fact, too overwhelmed by feelings, so they hide this by acting aloof or cold. Instead of insisting on a heart-to-heart talk right away, give your teen time and space to process his emotions, then discuss them once he is ready.
  9. Induce empathy. Actively ask your teen to take someone else’s perspective or to name how an action might make someone else feel.
  10. Stories matter. The types of books your teen reads can affect how they relate to others. Literary fiction (defined as a category of fiction that explores any facet of the human condition, and may involve social commentary) in particular has been proven by research to improves a reader’s capacity to understand what others are thinking and feeling. The characters in literary fiction disrupt reader expectations, undermining prejudices and stereotypes. They support and teach values about social behavior, such as the importance of understanding those who are different from ourselves. Examples of literary fiction that your teen can read include “Catcher in the Rye” by JD Salinger, “The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn” by Mark Twain, “The Lord of the Rings” trilogy by JRR Tolkien, and “To Kill a Mockingbird” by Harper Lee.

As your teen develops empathy, don’t forget to acknowledge it. Point it out to them and thank them in the moment. Reward their attempts with words of encouragement. Doing the right thing by other people feels good and will give your child a sense of positive self-esteem that will go a long way to influencing his behavior.

Finding ways to promote healthy emotional development during this time period matters, especially since adolescence is important in shaping mental health into adulthood.

—

Written by Jac from MindNation

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Featured Mental Health 101

Learning Empathy for Kids ages 7-12

We’ve learned in past articles that empathy is an important life skill that everyone should possess. The earlier that children practice empathetic habits the more likely they will continue to do it as they grow older.

By the time children reach the age of 5, they begin to outgrow the “me” mentality of their toddler years and become more attuned to things happening outside their own bubble. Once they reach the formative ages of 7 to 12 and spend more time at school than at home, they will interact more with peers and learn empathetic concepts like sharing and cooperating. Working together in the classroom will make them realize that people have different feelings than they do and that their actions can affect how others feel.

Here are ways you can cultivate your child’s empathy even more:

When talking about feelings, talk about the physical manifestations as well. 
Teach kids to link their own physical manifestations to specific experiences, so that they will develop a sense of what other people might feel in similar circumstances. For instance, if your child sees someone who is scared, you might ask her, “Remember that time when you saw the big, barking dog? How did that feel in your body?” By recalling her pounding heart and sweaty palms, she’ll instantly know what someone means when he says he’s afraid.

Put him/her in someone else’s shoes.
If she’s going through a hard time with a friend or even a sibling, try role-playing the situation and have her look at it from both points of view. If a younger sibling refuses to share his toys, she might come to realize that if he is allowed to enjoy his toy a few minutes longer, he might be more inclined to let others have a turn. It does not necessarily mean that he is acting selfishly, rather she just needs to be more patient. On other hand, her own feelings of frustration and disappointment will teach her how hurtful rejection can be – and help her to be kinder the next time she does not want to share something herself.

Help children understand that the world doesn’t revolve around them.
It’s vital for children to learn that sometimes, concern for others should trump their own happiness. For example, they should do household chores even if they would rather watch tv, they should be polite even if they are in a bad mood, and they should not interrupt if their parents are talking to other people. 

Prioritize caring in your children’s lives. 
For example, when you ask your child about her day in school, don’t just ask if she listened to the teacher or did well in her written works. Ask her if she also showed care and helpfulness to classmates or other adults.

Continue to demonstrate empathy for others, especially those different from you.
Be a good role model. Reflect on how you treat the waiter at the restaurant or the salespeople at the mall. In addition, consider regularly engaging in community service or model other ways of contributing to a community. Even better, do this with your child. Express interest in those from various backgrounds facing many different types of challenges.

The good news is you don’t have to be a professional to teach your child to be mindful and compassionate of other people’s emotions. By simply engaging with your child and practicing what you preach, you can easily pass on the lessons of empathy. 

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Written by Jac of MindNation

Categories
Featured Mental Health 101

5 Ways to Cultivate Empathy in Small Children

Photo by Valeria Ushakova on Pexels.com

Empathy is the ability to imagine how someone else is feeling in a particular situation and respond with compassion. It is a complex skill to develop in small children because they are still at an age when their needs are being met on-demand and they aren’t fully in control of their own emotions yet, let alone recognize what others may be feeling. However, empathy is also an essential life skill to learn because research has shown that it can build healthy and happy relationships with family and friends, as well as do well in school.

When a child is able to empathize, it means he or she can:

  • Understand that he/she is a separate individual, his/her own person
  • Understand that others can have different thoughts and feelings than he/she has
  • Recognize the common feelings that most people experience – happiness, surprise, anger, sadness, etc.
  • Look at a particular situation (i.e. watching a classmate tearfully say good-bye to his/her parent at play school) and imagine how he/she himself might feel in that moment
  • Imagine what response might be appropriate or comforting in the above situation – i.e. offer his/her friend a toy to comfort him/her

Here are some things parents can do to teach empathy to their toddler:

  • Show your child empathy. A common mistake parents make is to shush their child whenever he/she is crying – “Don’t be a crybaby, you have to be brave, you’re being embarrassing, etc.” Doing this teaches your child that feelings do not matter. Instead of brushing his emotions aside, ask him/her what is making him afraid or upset, acknowledge what he/she said, and find ways to resolve what is making him/her upset. “Are you afraid of the dog? I know his loud barks can be scary, but don’t worry, he is tied up so he cannot hurt you. Here, let me hold your hand as we pass by.”
  • Talk about other people’s feelings. In the same vein, when we see other toddlers crying or acting up, our first instinct is to hustle our own child away from the hubbub. But doing so teaches him/her that we should ignore other people’s unpleasant feelings. Instead of avoiding the situation, try discussing what happened – “How do you think he/she’s feeling?” and “Why is he/she feeling that way?” are questions that three-year-olds can easily understand and answer. Research has shown that when families routinely do this, kids can learn a lot about other people’s perspectives and how their minds function.

If your child personally knows the peer in distress (i.e. a family member or a classmate in play school), encourage him to personally reach out and find ways to offer comfort.

  • Be a role model. When your child sees you consistently acting kindly and respectfully to others (i.e. opening doors for strangers, carrying the things of older people, helping during times of crisis), they will emulate these habits as they grow older.
  • Use chores to teach them to be mindful and considerate of others. Toddlers can already be taught to pack away their toys, water the plants, and even set the table. Not only do these actions teach them about helpfulness, it also reinforces respect for others.
  • Be patient. Developing empathy takes time. There are teenagers (and even some adults) who lack empathetic skills, so don’t expect too much from your toddler. Especially between the ages of 0-3, it is perfectly normal for them to focus solely on themselves and their emotions, so the most you can do for now is to introduce the concept in their everyday lives so that it eventually becomes a habit.

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Written by Jac of MindNation

Categories
Employee Wellness Mental Health 101

10 Tips to Manage Stress when you Work From Home (WFH)

Working from home (WFH) may seem like a dream come true in the beginning, but when you also have to manage the kids’ needs, home chores, and/or have to deal with co-workers who think being home means they can call you 24/7, the situation can quickly turn into a nightmare.

Here are some ways you can put in some order (and sanity) in your WFH set-up:

1. Set office hours and make sure everyone knows it

When you are working from your living room or bedroom, it’s easy for family members (especially kids) to assume that you are not working at all and just badger you for attention any time. The same is true for colleagues who think that there is nothing inappropriate with calling you up at midnight for a work-related query. Make it clear to workmates that you are only available during certain hours of the day, and that you will respect their time as well.

2. Establish your territory

Whether your workspace is a small table or a whole room (lucky you!), make sure it is used exclusively for work. This way, you can still separate “work life” from your “personal life.” In addition, furnish your space with pens, papers, and other materials that will be used solely for the “office.” This saves you the time (and stress) from constantly carrying materials back and forth, or misplacing them.

For your kids and other household members, instruct them that your working hours are sacred and you absolutely cannot be disturbed. Or if they do need to talk to you, they should knock first instead of barging in.

3. Discuss and delegate

If your spouse has free time to take over babysitting duties, perfect (don’t forget to return the favor when it’s his or her turn to be busy). If there are no other responsible adults around, have a serious discussion with your children beforehand about the importance of your “work hours”. This gives you peace and quiet to focus on your work but also the assurance that your children are safe and productive.  

4. Manage your deadlines by breaking them into chewable amounts

It is easy to procrastinate when you are working from home, so resist the temptation. Break down large projects into smaller steps, and set deadlines to complete each stage; this will make the overall output less overwhelming to do.

5. Make a to-do list

This might sound pretty basic, but it works! Start each day with a list of the tasks you need to accomplish at home and for work. Rank them according to importance, and organize your day so that you finish these to-do’s as soon as possible. Should you run out of time to do the less urgent tasks, don’t stress! You can always do them tomorrow.

6. Dress the part (even if it’s just the top-half!)

Unless you are mandated to dress up (i.e. you need to do a video-chat with upper management), you can pretty much wear whatever you want at your home office. But while there is no law against wearing pajamas all day, it might be the very thing making you feel sluggish and unmotivated. Better to slip into something that’s comfortable but at the same time semi-professional, comb your hair, put on some makeup – you’ll end up feeling more inspired to work.

7. Keep the Water Cooler Breaks

Don’t you just miss that walk to the water cooler and the talks with your office buddies? Take virtual lunch or coffee breaks together, and chat about non-work related matters. This helps ease the feeling of isolation, and will make you look forward to “going to work.”

8. Actually, just take breaks in general!

You do not have to be chained at your desk the whole time. Take a snack break or do some stretches every now and then. Come back to work when you are feeling more relaxed and refreshed.

9. Clock out and “go home”

Because the office desk is just a few steps away from the bedroom, it’s tempting to just keep working because your think you can stop anytime (which is actually counterproductive). Ignore the urge to work overtime! When office hours are over, shut down your laptop, keep it away, and ready yourself for home duties so you can properly rest. Your mind and body will thank you for it.

10. Practice gratitude

At the end of the day, the an attitude of gratitude will set you up to a calmer and more positive mood. While our situations vary greatly at home, we must always focus on the now, everything that went right, and how we can be better and do better tomorrow!

With the COVID-19 pandemic showing no signs of letting up, working from home is now becoming the norm for many. The set-up will take some getting used to, but by prioritizing your needs and building your mental resilience, you can settle into a comfortable routine in no time.

How do you practice calmness and routines when working from home?

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Written by Jac of MindNation