Categories
LGBT Mental Health

7 Ways To Support A Loved One Who Is Transitioning (From Male To Female Or Female To Male)

Gender transitioning is the process in which a person begins to live according to their gender identity instead of the gender they were assigned at birth. Possible steps in a gender transition may or may not include changing one’s clothing, appearance, name, or the pronoun used to refer to them (see below). In countries where it is legal to do so, some are able to change their identification documents, like their driver’s license or passport, to reflect their gender. Finally, some people undergo hormone replacement therapy or other medical procedures to change their physical characteristics and make their body better reflect the gender they know themselves to be.

Transitioning can take at least several months or even longer. “Transitioning is for life if you want to go all out — meaning you transition not just socially but also legally and medically,” says magazine editor Jebby Fronda. “Once you start taking hormone replacement therapy pills, for example, you can never stop doing so.”

There is no specific set of steps necessary to “complete” a transition—it’s a matter of what is right for each person. In Jebby’s case, her transition started back in in high school when she first came out to her parents as a homosexual boy. “Back then, I did not know yet that there was such a thing as transgenderism,” she explains. “I only knew that I was attracted to boys, so I told my family that I was gay.” 

But as time went by, she still felt there was something missing with her identity. “I realized I was not attracted to gay men; what I wanted was a relationship with a man who saw me as a woman,” she points out. 

Jebby’s epiphany came in 2014 when she watched the TED Talk entitled “Why I Must Come Out” by Geena Rocero, a Filipino-born American model and transgender advocate. “My mind was blown,” she relates. “I forgot the details of how I came out to my family the second time around, but I just knew that being a transwoman was what was right for me.”

“I respected their decision and told them we would discuss it again after a year, because one thing that I realized during my transition was that I have to give other people a chance to transition as well, that it’s also a process for them.”

Jebby Fronda, Magazine Editor

Today, Jebby is in her sixth year of transitioning but she describes her process as incremental. “Early on, I wanted to get top surgery so I could have breasts. But my parents told me they were not yet ready for me to do that because they felt the procedure was too invasive,” she explains. “I respected their decision and told them we would discuss it again after a year, because one thing that I realized during my transition was that I have to give other people a chance to transition as well, that it’s also a process for them.”

One of the milestones in her transition came in November 2020 when she was finally able to wear a swimsuit in front of her family. “Prior to that trip, my family always insisted that I wear shirts and trunks. Because I knew they were still adjusting to my gender identity, I didn’t press the issue, I just told them that I wouldn’t go swimming anymore.”

So it was a pleasant surprise when Jebby’s family finally allowed her to wear a swimsuit in November. “Of course I was happy, but at the same time, I also felt scared because I knew it was going to be awkward,” she confesses. “But when no one even batted an eye after that first day, I became more at ease and wore a swimsuit throughout the whole trip.” 

Another turning point also occurred last year when Jebby asked her father if he could buy her hormone replacement therapy pills during one of his trips to the drugstore. From then on, her father would constantly ask if he needed to replenish her supply. “It’s such a small gesture but it means the world to me because it shows progress in my family’s acceptance of me,” Jebby shares.  

Jebby’s story shows that regardless of what steps are involved or how long it takes, transitioning is a process that is filled with  a roller coaster of emotions, so the importance of a support system through this process cannot be overstated. “It is very important to support someone transitioning because it is a scary time for us,” she shares. “We feel very alone because at the end of the day, society does not accept us and when we first come out there is always the fear that we will not be accepted by our family or friends. This is why I am very thankful that my family transitioned with me.” 

Jebby shares some ways family members and friends can be a rock for a transitioning family member or friend’s life:

  1. When they first come out to you, congratulate them. “Transitioning is really a cause for celebration because it means the person has finally broken free from feeling trapped and confident enough to tell someone else who they really are,” Jebby explains.
  2. Ask what name or pronouns they would want to be called. Possible pronoun choices may include he/him, she/her, ze/hir, and they/them. Ze/hir and they/them (used to refer to an individual, not a group) are gender-neutral pronouns and are being used by more and more people who don’t feel like he/him or she/her adequately describe them. 
  1. Assure them that you will be there for them. “What we really need during this daunting time is a hand to hold and a listening ear,” Jebby says.
  1. Feel free to ask questions. Ask your loved one to explain to you how he/she/they found out they were transgender. “Let them tell you their story, so you can understand them better and it will not feel as if they are going through their journey alone,” Jebby says. “Also ask what else you can do for them to show your support.”
  2. Respect their privacy. Just because your transgender loved one has told you something about their experiences doesn’t mean they want everyone else to know. It is up to them to decide how much information is being shared, so ask permission first if you need to tell other people.
  3. Educate yourself. Show your loved one that you care by educating yourself on everything from the challenges the transgender community face, such as harassment, to the latest LGBTQ+ vocabulary. Jebby recommends that loved ones also watch Geena Rocero’s TED Talk (available on YouTube) and even read young adult books about being transgender (just search “Transgender” on Goodreads). 
  1. Advise them to see a doctor if they want to transition medically. “This is to make sure everything is done safely and flawlessly,” Jebby explains. 

“Being a good ally to someone transitioning is all about opening your communication lines,” Jebby summarizes. “Even if you read a lot about transitioning and transgenderism, the experience is different for each person so at some point you really have to ask your loved one what he, she, or they need. Be open to that conversation, even if it’s awkward or scary.” 

Transitioning is an emotional experience for all parties involved. If your loved one is transitioning and you find yourself struggling, MindNation’s psychologists are available for 24/7 teletherapy sessions to help you process what you’re feeling. Book a session now through FB Messenger http://mn-chat or email [email protected].

Categories
LGBT Mental Health

10 Ways To Support A Loved Who Is Questioning Their Sexual Orientation Or Gender Identity

Last time, we gave tips on what to do if a loved one explicitly comes out to you. But what should you do if your child, close friend, or sibling “sort of” comes out to you? By this, we mean they are not really sure if they are gay, straight, or something else entirely, and they don’t know what to do about it. Chances are they are feeling scared, confused, and afraid of losing your love or friendship, but at the same time are in need of a sounding board. 

“Being queer is a struggle,” says Venue Aves, Punong Babaylan (Head Shaman) of the U.P. Babaylan, the longest-existing LGBTQI student organization in the Philippines and in Asia. “This is why it’s important to be a safe space for queer people, especially if they are questioning, because research shows that members of the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer (LGBTQ+) community are more vulnerable to developing mental health problems — including suicidal ideation — because of the problems that arise from society’s prejudice and non-acceptance of them.”

Here are some ways you can support a loved one who is questioning their sexuality or identity: 

“How they arrive at or express their sexuality is a journey; their identity does not have to be pinned down or labelled right away.”

Venue Aves, Punong Babaylan (Head Shaman) of the U.P. Babaylan
  1. Explicitly assure them that your relationship will not change. This is the most basic way that you can support your loved one. Say you love them, that they’re still your BFF, that you think nothing less of them. “The support and reassurance has to be explicit because more often than not, the one who is questioning will be afraid that your relationship will change or become complicated by their confession,” Venus says. “By being clear and affirming with support and encouragement that is unconditional, you allow your questioning loved one to express what they really feel.”
  2. Thank them for their trust. Even if your loved one knows that you’re an ally, verbalizing their fears can still be a really intense experience that takes strength and courage. Thanking your sibling, friend, or child shows that you honor this courage as well as the trust that they have for you.
  3. Don’t force them to come to a decision. Pushing them into a “gayer” or “straighter” direction — even if your advice is well-intended — puts undue pressure on the one who is questioning. Instead give them room to figure things out on their own. “How they arrive at or express their sexuality is a journey; their identity does not have to be pinned down or labelled right away,” they point out. 
  1. Listen more than you talk. Even if you are curious, questions like “Are you sure?” or “What if you’re just confused?” only adds to the pressure and complicates an already sensitive issue. If you must ask, ask what help or support your loved one needs from you. Otherwise, just listen, nod along, or be a shoulder to lean on. 
  1. Accept the fact that you cannot do everything. “Even if you are a safe space, the rest of society may not be,” they explain. “So if you can, ensure that your questioning loved one has access to support groups outside of your trusted circle.”
  2. Educate yourself. Do your best to understand the reality of being a member of the LGBTQ+ community. “Learn about Sexual Orientation, Gender Equality, Expression, and Sex Characteristics (SOGIESC),” they say. “Read books, listen to podcasts, or watch shows that show the experiences of LGBTQ+ people. These are all readily available online.”
  3. Educate others. If you follow social media accounts that promote LGBTQ+ equality, repost their content. “If your partner or parents are struggling with your child or sibling coming out or questioning, make the effort to talk to them and remind them that their loved one is still the same person and your love should not change,” they advise.
  4. If a close co-worker is the one who is questioning, strive to make the company more inclusive and accepting of diversity. “Petition your manager or HR department to invite organizations like U.P. Babaylan to give talks on SOGIESC, which can lead to the formulation of diverse and inclusive policies and make your workplace a safe space for queers and questioning individuals,” they suggest.
  5. Check-in on them regularly. “It’s really scary not to be straight, so communicate with your loved one often to make sure they are okay and to assure them that you are there if they need anything,” they explain. 

Refer them to a mental health professional if — and only if — your loved one has a history of mental health concerns or is displaying signs of depression, anxiety, or suicidal ideation. “But do not tell them to talk to a psychologist solely because they are questioning their sexual orientation or gender identity because homosexuality and transgenderism are not medical illnesses that need to be treated,” they add.  

  1.  Respect their privacy. Just because your loved one is processing their sexuality with you does not mean they want to be out to the rest of your family or friends, or even plan to be. Even though your intentions may be good (i.e. you want to be the one to tell your parents to spare your sibling the fear and anxiety), always ask your loved one first if that is what they want you to do. Outing someone who is LGBTQ+ without their permission can damage relationships or put them in awkward situations that they are not prepared for. 

It is important to create an inclusive environment for everyone. By simply affirming, supporting, and respecting your loved one’s questioning thoughts and feelings, you can already make a difference in their lives. 

If you are a queer person or know someone who is questioning, Balur Kanlungan (https://www.facebook.com/balur.kanlungan) is an online wellness community for LGBTQI+ youth in the Philippines and provide avenues for members of the community to be exposed to the LGBTQI rights movement.


For those who want to talk to mental health professionals, MindNation offers 24/7 teletherapy sessions with licensed psychologists and WellBeing Coaches. Rest assured that all conversations will be kept secure and confidential. Book a session now through FB Messenger http://bit.ly/mn-chat or email [email protected].

Categories
Featured

10 Takeaways From #LeadershipDuringCrisis: Tackling Mental Health During COVID-19 Virtual Roundtable

During Mental Health Awareness Month 2021, MindNation held its first ever virtual roundtable for business leaders to learn and discuss how the COVID-19 pandemic has affected mental health and well-being in the workplace. 

“Traditionally, topics like substance abuse, anxiety, and depression used to be considered personal matters and not addressed in the workplace,” explains MindNation Chief Marketing Officer Cat Triviño. “But the lines are now blurred and we can longer deny the effects of mental health concerns on an organization’s bottomline and overall success.

Philippine Vice President Leni Robredo kicked off the event by delivering the Welcoming Remarks, sharing that “Building a better normal means constantly recognizing that no single area of human health is more important than another.”

In addition, data experts and mental health advocates Ajay Bangia of global market research firm Ipsos and MindNation Chief Insights Officer Piril Yagli discussed how creating a culture that values psychological safety affects a company’s growth and success during these trying times. 

Finally, top industry leaders Merlee Jayme, Global President of advertising agency Dentsu Mcgarrybowen, Mark Lyndsell, CEO for the Global English Region of business process outsourcing company Transcom Worldwide, and Kevin Williams, Country General Head of cloud solutions provider RingCentral, offered insights and new ideas on the implementation of mental health programs. 

Here are some of the key points shared by the speakers:

“We must open more spaces to talk about mental health, create avenues where people can share their struggles comfortably without feeling ashamed, and foster an environment of love, care, and support.”

Vice President Leni Robredo
  1. Mental health and well-being issues are a growing problem in the workplace.

When Filipino employees were asked to rate their mental wellness pre- and post-pandemic on a scale of 0 to 10 (where 0 is “depressed” and 10 is “feeling my best self”), they felt an 8 before the pandemic versus a declining 6.5 after the pandemic.
 

According to Ajay Bangia, the depression, stress, and anxiety felt by people are due to job insecurity, work pressure, and difficulty handling work-life balance. 

Additionally, people are feeling a high degree of isolation. “Loneliness is one of the key sources of mental health and well-being challenges during this pandemic,” Piril Yagli of MindNation says. 

  1. No one is exempt from mental health challenges, but some are more affected than others.

In the Philippines, employees who are 18-30 years old, working the night shift, and who indicated their gender as LGBTQ (or would prefer not to say) are the ones most likely to be struggling with COVID-related fears, financial pressures, personal matters, work performance pressures, and juggling work and family life. 

  1. Women with children are also facing greater amounts of stress levels.

Because of the pandemic, working mothers have to juggle being full-time mothers as well as breadwinners. “Their whole day turns into a roller coaster of work, then kids, then house chores, then preparing meals,” Piril shares. 

“Home used to be a place for rest, now it has merged into our work life,” Merlee Jayme of Dentsu Mcgarrybowen adds. “Work has eaten into all of our personal space.”

  1. All these mental health and well-being challenges significantly impact the company– to the tune of PHP7 million per year (for every 1,000 employees). 

This amount is lost due to:

  • Absenteeism. 13% of employees said they would take a sick leave due to mental health and well-being challenges
  • Presenteeism. 35% of employees revealed they are unproductive at work for up to two hours a day — equivalent to losing one day in a week or up to two months in a year. 
  • Talent loss. 5% of employees in a company stated that they would quit their jobs due to mental health and well-being challenges. 
  1. Unfortunately, not everyone is open about their struggles.

Only 10% of employees would tell their superiors that they are taking a sick leave due to mental health challenges. This is because there is still a stigma surrounding mental health especially in the workplace. Employees fear that talking about depression, anxiety, or other mental health concerns will negatively affect how managers view them and their job performance.

  1. Three things that companies can do to address the mental health crisis in the workplace:
  • Create a Mental Health company policy. While the Philippines’ Department of Labor and Employment requires workplaces in the formal sector to implement Mental Health Workplace Policies and Programs, many companies still have not created such.
  • Stop the stigma by talking about mental health openly. “Leverage mid-level managers to talk with their teams, understand their challenges, and make them aware what help is available,” Piril suggests.
  • Lastly, partner with a mental health and well-being provider who cares. While many corporations do have Employee Assistance Programs, research has shown that the usage rate of these support systems are lower than 10% because most of them are not accessible 24/7 all year round. “It is important to partner with a mental healthcare provider that has psychologists and WellBeing Coaches who are available all day, everyday, so that employees can get help the moment they need it, rather than waiting until it is too late,” she adds.
  1. To create a workplace culture that values and supports mental health and well-being, managers need to be more empathetic and employee-centric. 
  • “Show empathy. Let your colleagues know you feel the same way they do, that you can talk about real things, not just revenues and client budgets,” Merlee suggests. 
  • “Mental health needs to be overcommunicated,” Kevin Williams of RingCentral shares. “When people come to you, ask the easy yet hard question, ‘How are you doing?’ ‘Are you happy?’”
  • “What we need today are leaders and organizations with a high degree of Emotional Intelligence,” Mark Lyndsell of Transcom Worldwide adds. “As a leader I’m willing to sacrifice IQ provided I have leaders who are grounded, transparent, authentic, and flexible.”
  1. Listen and understand the needs of the organization. 

“47% of employees think they have too much work,” Piril shares. “So please make it a priority to talk to your teams, try to understand what they’re working on, is there anything that can be simplified, automated, or outsourced?”

  • “In our office, we have Wellness Wednesdays,” Merlee says. “These are no-meeting days that employees can use to catch up on work or just zone out.”
  • “At RingCentral, we have a quarterly company CaRING Day — adding a paid holiday and an extended weekend to every quarter to encourage our teams to disconnect from work and recharge,” Kevin adds
  • Employees of Transcom are encouraged to communicate openly with their leaders. “Every single day we poll our employees on how they are feeling; and if they are feeling down, to tell us why,” says Mark.
  1. It takes action and collaboration from all sectors to create happier and healthier spaces for all. 

“We must treat mental health as an important aspect of our healthcare agenda,” says Vice President Leni Robredo. “We must open more spaces to talk about mental health, create avenues where people can share their struggles comfortably without feeling ashamed, and foster an environment of love, care, and support.”

  1. There is no health without mental health. 

“The last 15 months of the pandemic has shone a spotlight on the mental health of organizations and many have been found wanting,” Mark adds. “I believe that there is so much more we can and should be doing, and as a leader it starts with me.”

According to Piril, the top 5 things that employees want to overcome their mental health and well-being challenges are psychologist services, WellBeing Coach consultations, training on mental health and well-being, fitness coaches, and sick leaves for mental health concerns. “For a mental health and well-being program in the workplace to be effective, the provider needs to listen to the voices of the employees, understand their challenges, and provide solutions specific to their needs,” she says. 

MindNation uses a data-based approach to create proactive, customized, holistic health programs for your employees. Partner with us to build happier, healthier, and more productive teams. Email [email protected] now!

Categories
Featured

7 Important Things Every Dad Should Teach His Kids

Photo courtesy of TJ Manotoc's Twitter account.

Fathers, like mothers, are pillars in the development of a child’s emotional well-being. Studies have shown that when fathers are involved, affectionate, and supportive, it positively impacts a child’s overall sense of well-being and self confidence. 

We asked Filipino journalist and father-of-three TJ Manotoc to share some things that  he wants his children — and every child — to grow up knowing so that they become healthy and happy individuals:

“My kids always ask me what my definition of success is, and I tell them it’s not how much money I earn or what kind of car I’m able to buy — it’s to raise them to become happy and healthy human beings.”

TJ Manotoc, Journalist and father of three
  1. For his sons, to always respect women. “There’s so much misogyny and disrespect for women nowadays that I want my sons to know that such behavior is not cool or funny and can really be hurtful,” he shares. “I always tell them that before they say or do anything to another girl or woman, they should first think about their own sister and mother, and how they would feel if they were the recipient of such disrespectful words or actions.”
  2. To know how to cook, clean, and do the laundry. “If you enter the adult world knowing how to do household chores, you will have a much easier time being loved,” TJ laughs. “And if you really can’t do chores or have the time — at least be neat and clean when you are living with someone else!”
  3. For his daughter, to be brave. “I believe it’s especially important to encourage girls to speak up for what they believe in, to use their platform for good and not just for aesthetics,” he says.
  4. And to learn self-defense! “The world is a scary place, and she should be able to protect herself and not wait for a man to come to her rescue,” he points out.
  5. For all his children, regardless of gender — that it’s okay to feel your emotions. “This is a bigger issue for sons because their feelings are stifled a lot. We should do away with toxic statements like ‘Be a big boy’ or ‘Be a man’ and allow our little boys to be human beings,” he opines. “If something bothers them, hurts them, or physically pains them, they should know that it’s okay to cry.
  6. Financial literacy. This includes how to take care of money, how to budget, what to buy and when to buy them, or how to invest. “I wish these were things my parents taught me back then and I hope that more parents teach it now, because finances are really something that a lot of people struggle with when they get into adulthood,” he says.
  7. To go ahead and dream. “Don’t stifle your child’s dreams by saying ‘No, you have to be a doctor,’ or ‘No, you have to do this, not that,’”
    TJ expresses. “Doing this puts a boundary on their dreams and tells them that they cannot be who they were destined to be. So allow them to spread their wings and expose them to as many things as possible so that they can discover their meaning in the universe.”

He adds: “My kids always ask me what my definition of success is, and I tell them it’s not how much money I earn or what kind of car I’m able to buy — it’s to raise them to become happy and healthy human beings.”

For TJ, the best way fathers can cultivate healthy and loving relationships with their children is to create opportunities where they can bond and spend time together in a very natural and relaxed manner. “One thing I struggle with is when I see families sitting down at the dinner table and the kids are “supposed” to bond with the parents, they are “expected” to share what went on during their way even if they are tired or in a bad mood. Instead of forcing the kids, parents need to find ways to pique their child’s interest and open them up to conversation,” he suggests. “Everyone has different moods — when they feel chatty or when they just want to be alone — so my advice to parents is to give their kids the space and time they need to be themselves. Trust and respect are essential to a positive parent-child relationship.”

Want to build a healthier relationship with your child? Our WellBeing Coaches are available 24/7 for teletherapy sessions to help you improve your communications skills and become a more empathetic parent. Book a session now through FB Messenger http://mn-chat or email [email protected]. 

Categories
Featured Men's Mental Health

6 Strategies To Get Men To See A Doctor

A 2019 study from leading medical and research center Cleveland Clinic found that 72% of men would rather do housework (such as cleaning the bathroom) than go to the doctor. 

Additionally, only half (50%) of men surveyed said that they consider getting their annual check-up a regular part of taking care of themselves.

So what makes men so hesitant to walk into a doctor’s office? According to the same Cleveland Clinic survey, the top reasons include:

  • They were embarrassed (46%).
  • They didn’t want to hear that they needed to change their diet/lifestyle (36%).
  • They knew something was wrong but weren’t ready to face the diagnosis and/or would rather not know if they have any health issues (37%).
  • They were told as children that men don’t complain about health issues (41%).

“More often than not, men don’t like seeing a doctor because they have a ‘macho ego complex’ and do not want to be perceived as sick or weak.”

Dr. Rainier Lutanco, a general, head and neck, cancer, and minimally invasive surgeon

“More often than not, men don’t like seeing a doctor because they have a ‘macho ego complex’ and do not want to be perceived as sick or weak,” says Dr. Rainier Lutanco, a general, head and neck, cancer, and minimally invasive surgeon based in Manila. “On the other hand, others view health care as a waste of time and money.”

If a man is unwilling to go to the doctor, it puts him at risk for missing preventive screenings — check-ups, immunizations, teletherapy, and other tests — which can help prevent physical or mental problems or detect them before they become major. This is especially important now as the Cleveland Clinic survey also showed that 77% percent of men reported an increase in stress levels as a result of COVID-19, 59% have felt isolated during the pandemic, and nearly half (45%) say their emotional/mental health has worsened during the pandemic.


How to motivate men to get medical attention

If you know someone that needs some convincing to put his health first, here are six approaches you can try:

  1. Don’t nag. Nagging is defined as the interaction in which one person repeatedly makes a request, and the other person repeatedly ignores it, and both become increasingly annoyed. Constant nagging can make the other party feel resentful, personally attacked, and inadequate.
  2. Don’t guilt-trip. Guilt-tripping is making someone feel guilty in order to induce them to do something. An example would be telling your husband or father “Who will take care of us if you get sick?” But this statement will only further shame the man and perpetuate the culture of toxic masculinity that says men should be the ones taking care of the family.
  3. Instead, come from a place of caring. Instead of positioning the doctor’s visit as another thing that he is expected to do, tell him that you want him to get checked because you truly care about his health and you want him to be around for a long time because you love him (and not because of other expectations).
  4. Gather as many examples as you can. This tactic works best if you know of a friend or relative who caught a serious medical condition early, i.e. someone found a lump that turned out to be cancer but he is now, thankfully, okay. Stories like these might motivate a man to get his health checked as well.
  5. Use a common-sense approach. Let him know that putting off a doctor’s visit until he is in pain or at an advanced stage of a disease may make treating his condition more difficult or costly.
  6. Make it easy. This approach works well for someone who always claims he’s too busy. Be the one to set the appointment (make sure it’s at a time that’s convenient for him) and offer to go with him. For teletherapy sessions, assure him that all conversations will be kept secure and confidential and that even you will not be privy to what was discussed. 

It is common for men to avoid going to the doctor, but patience, understanding, and talking about it rationally will increase his chances of getting himself the check-up that he needs.  MindNation’s psychologists and WellBeing Coaches are available 24/7 for teletherapy sessions if you know someone who needs to talk to a mental health expert. Book a session now through FB Messenger http://mn-chat or email [email protected].

Categories
Self Help

7 Reasons To Invest In Therapy

Cost and time are two of the common barriers to therapy. You probably consider it an added (maybe even unnecessary) cost, and you wonder if you even have the time to squeeze in a session every two weeks on top of all the things you need to do. But just like you have no qualms visiting and paying for a doctor to treat a physical ailment, neither should you hesitate seeing a mental health professional for your mental health concerns. Below are the five reasons therapy is a worthy investment: 

“Therapists are trained to listen to you and help you out of your situation; and because they are essentially strangers, they can provide a safe and unbiased environment where you can be honest. “

Kevin Quibranza, MindNation
  1. Therapy can help you organize your feelings, thoughts, and experiences so you can get a better understanding of yourself. 

When you spend enough time with a therapist, you will be able to know yourself better and ultimately control some aspects of your life which you thought were not possible. A good example of this are people who have anger management issues. By talking to a therapist, they are able to understand the past traumas that shaped their present condition, allowing them to finally manage that condition.

  1. Therapy can help you have more fulfilling relationships. This includes with family, partners, and colleagues.

Your mental health defines how you view life. If you are in a state of depression for example, and leave it untreated, you may start believing that life is bleak and relationships are useless so you start pushing people away. But if you have a healthy state of mind, good relationships will always follow.

  1. Therapy can help you achieve your goals, stay focused, and hold yourself accountable. 

The ultimate goal of therapy is to remove roadblocks — whether innate or situational — so you can achieve your life goals. This is why we advise people to see a psychologist or Wellbeing Coach even if they do not have problems yet, so they can take preventative measures and arm themselves with certain life skills (i.e. communication skills) to make them cope with unexpected situations better.

  1. Therapy can help improve your mood and quality of life.

Therapy can give you opportunities which you never thought possible due to limiting beliefs such as self-esteem issues and faulty thinking. These are normal and are experienced by everyone, so it always helps to have a third party expert who can help us get rid of our own perceived limits and provide us with a different perspective.

  1. You are more likely to have better health and wellbeing.

We all have days when we are burnt out or struggling, and on those days, our bodies do not feel as well as they should — we have problems sleeping, feel extra tired, or even experience headaches or back pains. There is a direct correlation with how your mind is at the moment and how your body feels. This is why at MindNation, we always advocate holistic health — take care of BOTH your mind and body, as well as the other dimensions of well-being (i.e. emotional, cultural, and spiritual).

  1. Therapy provides emotional relief that you might otherwise not be able to find.

There’s nothing wrong with talking to friends or family — if you just need quick advice or a listening ear, that’s okay. But sometimes, we need more than a shoulder to cry on. There are situations that our family members or friends may not be equipped to handle, or they aren’t willing to handle it since they also have their own problems.

Therapists are trained to listen to you and help you out of your situation; and because they are essentially strangers, they can provide a safe and unbiased environment where you can be honest with your thoughts and feelings and not worry about being judged or shamed.

  1. Therapy is the “mental and emotional health education” that you never got at school.

Mental health education in our country still has a long way to go, as evidenced by the stigma towards those mental health concerns. By going to therapy and asking questions, you learn about your condition, ease your anxieties, and receive treatment that is rooted in facts and science instead of myths or conjecture.

I have personally seen what happens to people who do not take care of their mental health because they do not want to spend additional time or money to address their concerns — their conditions worsen and they end up spending even more time and money to treat them.
Therapy is a valuable tool that can help you to solve problems, set and achieve goals, improve your communication skills, teach you new ways to track your emotions, and keep your stress levels in check. It can help you to build the life, career, and relationship that you want. By looking at therapy as an investment, you ensure a better future for yourself and those around you. 

MindNation psychologists and WellBeing Coaches are available 24/7 for teletherapy sessions. Book a session now through bit.ly/mn-chat.

– Written by Kevin Quibranza, MindNation

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Featured

LGBTQ+ Facts vs. Myths

Even though there is now increased awareness about sexual orientation, gender identity, expression, and sex characteristics (SOGIESC), many myths and misconceptions, about lesbians, gays, bisexuals, transgenders, and queers (LGBTQ+) still abound. This misinformation cause members of the LGBTQ+ community to face stigmatization, discrimination, and harassment, leading them to experience mental health concerns like depression and anxiety at higher rates than their heterosexual and cisgender counterparts. 

We asked Amber Gonzales Quiban, Director for Policy and Campaigns of the Philippine Anti-Discrimination Alliance of Youth Leaders (PANTAY) to provide the straight facts to the 8 most common myths and misconceptions applied to our LGBTQ brothers and sisters.

“Conversion therapies cause more harm than good because the trauma that the person experiences can lead to the development of mental illnesses like anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorders.”

Amber Gonzales Quiban, Director for Policy and Campaigns of the Philippine Anti-Discrimination Alliance of Youth Leaders (PANTAY)

Myth #1: LGBTQ+ people are just going through a phase/experimenting/confused.

Fact: This misconception is especially prescribed to adolescents, as they are labeled as “misguided” and “confused” for feeling and/or experiencing a sexual attraction to someone of the same sex, both sexes, or for identifying with a gender different than the one assigned to them at birth.  But decades of research have shown that being an LGBTQ+ individual is an identity; it is a part of who they are and not a choice, lifestyle, or phase that someone grows out of. 

“If it were a phase or we were just experimenting, then it would have been an easier choice to just choose to be straight and not have to face the stigma and discrimination that comes with being a member of the LGBTQ+ community,” Amber explains. “But being gay, bixesual, or transgender is who we are, it is our reality.”

Myth #2: LGBTQ+ people are mentally ill; if they receive therapy, they will be cured.

Fact: Although homosexuality and transgenderism were once thought to be mental illnesses or diseases, both the World Health Organization and the American Psychiatric and Psychological Associations have declassified them as such. The WHO even went on to emphasize that homosexuality is a natural and non-pathological variation of human sexuality.

Furthermore, studies have proven that psychiatric attempts to “cure” lesbians and gay men are not only unethical and inhumane, they have failed to change the sexual orientation of the patient. “Conversion therapies cause more harm than good because the trauma that the person experiences can lead to the development of mental illnesses like anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorders,” Amber points out.  

Myth #3: They became LGBTQ+ because they were brought up the wrong way.

Fact: There are no studies that show that children from dysfunctional families are more likely to grow up to gay, bisexual, or transgender any more than children who were raised in loving homes. 

Additionally, many scientists and researchers have studied a variety of reasons that may contribute to a specific sexual orientation or gender identity, including genetics and environmental influences. To this day, there is no consensus that sexual orientation or transgenderism is determined by any single factor or even a combination of factors.

“No one is raised to become gay,” Amber reiterates. This is why when LGBTQ+ members are asked  “When did you choose to be gay/lesbian/bi/trans?” most of them would say that there was no sense of choice regarding their sexual orientation and gender identity; that is just the way they feel. “It’s like asking a heterosexual person ‘When did you choose to be straight?’ There’s no answer to that,” she adds.

Myth #4: I should not expose myself or my loved ones to LGBTQ+ peers/relatives or watch shows with LGBTQ+ themes to prevent them from becoming gay, bisexual, or transgender. 

Fact: Learning about or spending time with people who are LGBTQ+ does not influence the sexual orientation or gender identity of a person or harm the well-being of minors. What it can do is help build empathy and respect towards others, potentially reducing homophobia, biphobia, and transphobia for years to come. 

Myth #5: There is no such thing as trangenders. Transwomen are gays, and transmen are lesbians. 

Fact: Transgender is an umbrella term for persons whose gender identity, gender expression, or behavior does not conform to that typically associated with the sex to which they were assigned at birth. Transpersons have been documented in many indigenous, Western, and Eastern cultures and societies from antiquity until the present day.

“Gender is a social construct, it varies from society to society and can change over time. This means you can break it,” Amber stresses. “And we should not stop people from breaking gender norms because at the end of the day, these gender roles are just imposed upon us.” 

Myth #6: Letting transgenders use the bathroom matching their gender identity is dangerous.

Fact: One of the main arguments against trans-inclusive bathrooms is the perception that sexual predators can gain access to female-only bathrooms. “If people are worried about men who would disguise themselves as transwomen to enter female bathrooms to sexually harass women, then transwomen are not the problem,” Amber stresses. 

Amber also stresses that having a bathroom exclusively for transgenders is counterproductive. “Creating a separate bathroom is just a form of exclusion,” she explains. “We should not be made to feel bad using the restrooms of the gender that we identify with. Creating gender-neutral restrooms would be more inclusive and affirmative.”

Myth #7: Letting my son play with dolls or my daughter play with cars will affect their gender identity.

Fact: Research has shown that behaviors such as playing with feminine toys or wearing feminine-colored clothes do not cause a boy to become gay or transgender, just as those same activities do not cause a girl to become heterosexual or cisgender. 

Myth #8: If someone comes out to me, it means they are attracted to me. 

Fact: “We don’t come out to people because we are attracted to them; we do because we trust them and they are a safe space for us,” Amber emphasizes. “Coming out entails so much fear and burden so when someone comes out to you, be thankful and proud of yourself because someone believes in you and they are willing to risk their lives just to come out to you.”

As an ally and a friend, it’s important that you take a stand for LGBTQ+ rights and join in the fight for equality. By educating yourself about what it means to be LGBTQ+, normalizing conversations related to LGBTQ+ matters with loved ones, and calling out myths and microaggressions, you can play an active role in helping build a kinder and more inclusive community. 

To our LGBTQ+ brothers and sisters and allies in the Philippines, you are not alone. MindNation’s psychologists and WellBeing Coaches are available 24/7 for teletherapy sessions if you need someone to talk to. Book a session now through FB Messenger http://mn-chat or email [email protected]. 

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Featured

8 Things To Do When Someone Comes Out To You

Coming out is defined as the process by which someone accepts and identifies their gender identity and/or sexual orientation, and shares their identity willingly with others. It is sometimes one of the hardest things a member of the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or queer (LGBTQ+) community can do.

“While coming out is a big thing for the LGBTQ+ member because it means they are finally speaking their truth, it is also scary and difficult because of the stigma that is associated with being homosexual, bisexual, or transgender,” says Anton Paderanga, MindNation Marketing Officer and a gender equality advocate. “So when someone comes out to you, it means they trust you and consider you a safe space where they can be free to be themselves.”

“Choosing to come out to you means that they have a great deal of respect and trust for you.”

Anton Paderanga, MindNation Marketing Officer

If you are on the receiving end of a coming out confession, it’s important to make the other person feel seen, heard, and respected. Below are some things you can do:

  1. Thank your friend for having the courage to tell you. Choosing to come out to you means that they have a great deal of respect and trust for you. Anton says that the best immediate reply to give is “Thank you for telling me.” “Saying this also honors the bravery of your loved one and reassures them that nothing will change in your relationship,” he adds.

Do not say things like “Are you sure?” “I knew it!” or “Duh, it’s so obvious” because even if your intention is to lighten the atmosphere, it invalidates the gravity of the coming out process and inadvertently offends the one coming out. 

2. Respect your friend’s confidentiality. A person’s sexual orientation and gender identity should never be the subject of gossip, so don’t go around telling other people in your circle that so-and-so is gay, bisexual, or transgender even if your intentions are good. Every person’s coming out process always involves private and personal information that deserves to be treated with respect. 

Now, if someone else asks you point blank, “Is your friend X gay/transgender?” Anton advises that you respond with a non-committal response like “Why do you want to know?” or “Is it an issue?” This gently lets the other person know that it is inappropriate to engage in idle talk about a person’s sexual orientation or gender identity. You can also reply with “Sorry, it’s not my place to say.”

  1. Be the friend you have always been. “Immediately assure them that nothing will change,” suggests Anton. The main fear for people coming out is that their friends and family will reject them, so tell your friend that you still care about them, no matter what. Then continue to do what you have always done together, whether it’s playing sports or catching up online on weekends.
  2. Feel free to ask questions that you may have.
    Anton says that some good follow-up questions include:
  • “Who else knows?” (because they may need you to keep their sexual orientation or gender identity a secret)
  • “What can I do to help?” (because they may need it down the road)
  • “What pronouns do you want me to use?” (important if your loved one is coming out as transgender)
  1. But refrain from asking about the following:

— Anything about their sex life (just as you would not ask a straight person)
— If you can set them up with another LGBTQ+ person that you know (because for all you know they are already in a committed relationship with someone else) 

— Your gay friend if he can help you with shopping, make-up, fashion, etc. (because this is propagating the stereotype that all gay men express themselves in a feminine manner, when in truth they can also be masculine)

  1. Offer and be available to support your friend as they come out to others. “Your role is to be a stage parent — to give them support and confidence they need when their anxiety makes them forget what to say,” Anton points out. However, this does not mean that you should pressure your friend to come out to other people when they are not ready.
  2. If possible, connect your friend with the LGBTQ+ community. If you know of other LGBTQ+ individuals or organizations, tell your loved one about it without giving specific names (because, again, it is not your place to out other people). “You can just say ‘Oh, I have a friend who has gone through the same experience as you if you want to talk to them about it’ or ‘I know of this group if you want to hang out with other LGBTQ+ members,’” Anton advises. Then seek the permission of the other person or organization before introducing your friend to them. 
  1. Learn about the LGBTQ+ community. Doing this will allow you to better support your friend, and knowing about their world will help prevent you from drifting apart. “When a loved one comes out to you, you automatically become an ally — a heterosexual and cisgender person who supports gender equality,” says Anton. “This means you take on the responsibility to help educate other people and amplify the voices of the LGBGTQ+ community.”

By being a supportive friend to someone who comes out to you, you help establish more safe spaces for those in the LGBTQ+ community and help them take one step closer to attaining the rights that they deserve.

If you need someone to talk to, MindNation psychologists and WellBeing Coaches are available 24/7 for teletherapy sessions. Book a session now through http://mn-chat or email [email protected]. 

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Mental Health 101

First Timer’s Guide To Therapy

You’ve finally booked an appointment with a mental health professional — congratulations! You’re on your way towards a better mind, better you.

Maybe you’re feeling nervous about it; that’s totally normal. Or maybe you just want to be prepared; that’s also commendable. Whatever your reason, we’ve put together some general ideas of what you might expect if you’re headed into therapy for the first time so you’ll feel more at ease.

“When attending a therapy session, go into it with open eyes. Be curious, be honest, ask questions, and do not be afraid. Think of it as talking to a friend.”

Kevin Quibranza, MindNation People & Operations Head

BEFORE THE SESSION:

  1. Eat a healthy meal, but not too much. If you’re hungry, you won’t be able to focus on the therapy. If you’re full, you might end up feeling sleepy in the middle of the session.
  2. Dress comfortably but appropriately.
  3. List down concerns you want addressed or any questions you may have. This allows you to maximize the time you have with the therapist.
  4. Inform household members that you should not be disturbed for the whole hour (unless it’s an emergency).
  5. Be in front of your computer at least 10 minutes before your session starts. This will give you enough time to settle down and check for anything (or anyone) who may disturb your privacy, i.e. if family members are around, gently remind them to move elsewhere. 
  6. Bring water because talking will make you thirsty, and you want to avoid leaving your computer –and wasting precious minutes — just to get a glass of water.
  7. Make sure you’re sitting comfortably; if you want to walk around while talking, that’s also okay as long as you don’t disrupt other people. I wouldn’t recommend lying down during sessions because it can cause drowsiness.
  8. If you are using your cellphone for the session, make sure to mute all notifications. If you are on your computer, put your phone on silent mode. 

DURING THE SESSION

  1. Because it’s your first time, the therapist will need to conduct an assessment. Some therapists will ask background questions about your childhood or your family to get to know you better. Others will ask you to share what’s on your mind, what’s bothering you, or your reason for seeing them.
  2. Some therapists take down notes while you speak; others will just listen and write their notes at the end of the session.
  3. Rest assured that your conversation will be kept in the strictest confidentiality. The therapist-patient relationship is special because it is one where you can be totally honest and not worry about being criticized, interrupted, or judged.
  4. You won’t be expected to tell your entire life story. If you booked a session for a specific reason, i.e. work stress, then the conversations will only revolve around that topic.
  5. You won’t be forced to feel anything. It’s okay if you cry, it’s also perfectly okay if you don’t. A healthy therapy is one where there is a connection between the client and the therapist and any emotions that spill out are brought about by that connection and not because it is “expected” of you.
  6. You are free to take down notes especially if the therapist likes to give instructions or homework. Writing may also help you remember some of the key points raised in the session.
  7. You don’t have to answer questions if you are not comfortable or ready. It is a therapist’s job to ask intrusive questions, but if they are really making you uncomfortable, just say so.
  1. If for whatever reason you feel that the therapist’s approach is not effective, it’s okay to let them know and try to find someone else. Choosing a therapist is like choosing a partner — it might take you a few tries but if you find one that you click with, it can really bring about something great.
  2. Don’t expect all your problems or issues to be solved after just one session. This is a misconception; talk therapy is not a quick fix. We encourage our therapists and clients to foster a connection and have multiple sessions since most of the time, problems are due to bad habits that were formed over the course of our lives and cannot be resolved in just 60 minutes. 

AFTER THE SESSION

  1. Expect to feel tired. Talking through major emotional topics for an hour is draining. Don’t go right into a big client presentation after your session; instead, drink water, calm down, and take some time to process the things that you need to do moving forward.
  2. Expect homework. Most therapists do this to empower clients to tackle the issues they are facing themselves and not be dependent on the psychologist for their mental healing. The type of homework would depend on your situation and the therapist’s approach, but most use Cognitive Behavioral Theory approaches such as practicing relaxation or stress management techniques.
  3. Book a follow-up session after two weeks. This will allow the therapist to check on your progress. 

When attending a therapy session, go into it with open eyes. Be curious, be honest, ask questions, and do not be afraid. Think of it as talking to a friend. If you are asked questions regarding your situation, try to answer them as honestly as you can because you might end up realizing something new about yourself. It’s all part of the process; go through it, and enjoy the ride.

For those in the Philippines, MindNation psychologists and WellBeing Coaches are available 24/7 for teletherapy sessions. An initial session with a psychologist starts at P1,500, and succeeding consults will cost only P2,500 per hour.

Clients may opt to avail of a 5-session package for only P12,125. On the other hand, the first session with a WellBeing Coach will cost only P500, with additional sessions amounting to P1,000 per hour. Clients may also choose to buy a 3-session package for P2,850 or a 6-session package for P5,550.

Book a session now through bit.ly/mn-chat or email [email protected]. 

Categories
Mental Health 101

Breaking 7 Myths About Meditation

Meditation has been proven to more than just reduce stress and help us achieve inner peace. Studies have shown that a regular meditation practice can also lengthen our attention span, reduce age-related memory loss, improve sleep, and help control pain. Additionally, meditation can be done for free, anytime and anywhere, without need for special equipment, and with zero side effects. 

While the number of people turning to meditation has increased through the years (a rough estimation of people who meditate globally ranges between 200 and 500 million), there are still many who hesitate to take up the practice because of the misconceptions that make them feel they cannot do it. We asked Dinah Salonga, co-founder and Chairman of Yogaplus (www.yogaplus.ph), one of Manila’s premier yoga studios, to debunk some common myths and explain what meditation is really about:

“Meditation is the practice of paying attention to whatever arises in the present moment, not communicating with a deity. There are no rules or dogmas to follow in meditation.”

Dinah Salonga, co-founder and Chairman of Yogaplus
  1. Meditation requires staying still for a long period of time.

Dinah: Just like dance or yoga, there are many different styles of meditation and many ways to practice it.

A. There is a dedicated practice, where you intentionally set a time to meditate in stillness for a few minutes. It’s like going to the gym; while you’re there, you focus on doing your exercises.

B. For those who have difficulty sitting still, there is the integrated practice, where you can meditate while doing an activity like walking, eating, hiking, or drinking coffee. Yoga is another example of a moving meditation practice.

  1. You need to be able to sit in an uncomfortable lotus position (a cross-legged sitting pose in which each foot is placed on the opposite thigh).

Dinah: Not at all. You can sit in a normal cross-legged position, or even sit down on your heels in a kneeling position. If being on the floor is not comfortable, you can meditate while sitting on a chair with your feet flat on the floor, or even standing up. You may even lie down — just make sure you don’t fall asleep. 

The important thing is to be in a position where you are comfortable and your spine is in neutral alignment — this means the spine is straight but not rigid, making it easier for you to breathe. 

  1. Meditation is a religious practice so I don’t want to do it because I’m a devout Catholic/Christian/Muslim/etc.

Dinah: Although many religions talk about meditation and its importance, the practice is more spiritual than religious. Meditation is the practice of paying attention to whatever arises in the present moment, not communicating with a deity. There are no rules or dogmas to follow in meditation; if there is chanting in a session, it is only done as a means of helping the mind concentrate, and is completely optional.   

  1. The goal of meditation is to empty the mind and feel calm and peaceful.

Dinah: Just as there are different styles of meditations, there are also different goals. You can meditate to relax, to empty the mind, or to learn to pay attention. The last one is called mindfulness meditation, where distractions are a part of the practice and you will be taught how to respond when you are distracted.

  1. One session of meditation can solve my problems (i.e.  depression, anxiety, etc) right away.

Dinah: Definitely not. Meditation is a practice and something you need to do regularly to experience the benefits. In some instances, it may not even be the right solution for your current situation. If you have a mental health problem, for example, it will be best to consult a professional and get their advice on whether meditation can help you.

  1. You need to practice meditation for YEARS to reap the benefits.

Dinah: Even just short segments of practice (i.e. one minute a few times a day) can already make a difference in making our minds more calm. Sure, it might take some time to feel that meditation has completely transformed you, the way you live, and your overall happiness; just like any other skill, the more you practice, the longer the effects will last. Take it step by step and enjoy the process of getting to know your mind. 

  1. Meditation is hard, it’s only for women/monks/elderly/etc. 

Dinah: Meditation is simple but is not easy. Think of it as driving or riding a bike — these are skills that can be done by anyone. We can all learn and become good at it if we practice. With a few exceptions (like some mental health issues), almost everyone can do it. 

MindNation Wellness Coaches are available 24/7 to help you build better physical and mental health habits. Book a teletherapy session with them through FB Messenger http://mn-chat or email [email protected].